Dear Staci,
I’ll admit I’m boy crazy. Whenever I meet a guy, I instantly evaluate whether I would want to date him and pursue the relationship accordingly. I am constantly having these “crushes at first sight.” Every week there is a new guy I like and flirt with. What can I do to control my crushes and get a guy to ask me out?
Sincerely,
Boy Crazy
Dear Boy Crazy,
If you had asked me this question about a year ago, I would have said something like, “where’s the bad?” I also went through a boy crazy phase that probably lasted longer than it should have. I like to assume all girls do—so I don’t seem so crazy.
But honestly, I don’t think this is the worst problem to have. You are putting yourself out there and you are having fun. My friends have always made fun of me for being boy crazy, but I always said I liked the drama of it.
A new guy every week, what could be more fun? And I think you are not alone when you analyze every guy you meet to decide if you want to date him or not. You get to a certain age where you don’t necessarily need guy friends, so why not see if you can date them?
But there comes a time when the drama isn’t as fun anymore. The problem comes when you are looking for more than fun. This is not the way to get a serious boyfriend or husband.
If you are ready for a real commitment, I think this is like any “addiction.” You just have to quit. You can still evaluate guys to see if you want to date them, but you need to realize that you don’t always have to be the one to pursue them.
Guys are easy: if you show some interest, they are most likely going to reciprocate without actually thinking about whether they want to date you. This leaves you with a lot of shallow relationships that don’t go anywhere.
If you meet someone that you actually really like and think you can date long term, you definitely don’t have to “play it cool” and just let him come to you; relationships don’t work like that anymore. But I would advise against being too forward. This makes guys think you are only interested in some fun.
