Disclaimer: The Daily Tar Hell is purely satirical. Don’t take it too seriously.
The Technician will now be filled with coloring sheets due to a shortage of staffers to write content. Due to recent budget cuts, the paper can only afford for writers to be paid a paltry $.50 per article instead of $1 for their content. The writers would not stand for this underappreciation of their work. By comparison, employees at The Daily Tar Heel are paid an ample $3 per article.
“I was happy when I was paid $1 for my articles, but I just can’t make ends meet on $.50,” said Gayle Webster, an NC State junior studying language, writing and rhetoric.
Kraplin “The full Monty” Montgumery, Editor-in-Chief of the Technician, could not understand why they wouldn’t want to write at least one article a week, or edit for six hours per production night, for multiple times a week.
Nevertheless, the Technician has decided to fill the blank pages with coloring sheets. It appears that this trend is all the rage. For over a decade, researchers, art therapists and small children everywhere have claimed there are calming benefits associated with filling in lines.
These pictures could include hipster mandalas interwoven with peace signs and groovy letters, as well as pictures of Mr. Wuf and Ms. Wuf intercut with violent scenes from the Technician work environment (i.e. a picture of a certain assistant opinion editor in a fetal position on the floor).
“The Daily Tar Heel should be this creative,” Jacob Jacobs, a junior studying basket weaving, said.
Crayola, a childhood favorite crayon company, has gotten some serious grown-up attention lately.
According to the reliable Odyssey Online, the famous crayon makers just launched a set of markers, colored pencils and a collection of adult coloring books, Coloring Escapes, last month.
Everyone from researchers at Crayola College to gurus at Yoga Today are suggesting coloring as an alternative to meditation. On the off chance you open up a copy of the Technician, take your colored pencils, crayons and markers and embark on a journey to find your inner peace or maybe just your inner five-year-old. Or maybe pick up an issue of The Daily Tar Heel and actually learn something substantive.
