I wanted to attend the event at Talley, the event that some speaker would talk at, that some people would discuss on a panel, that some video made by some experts would play.

But tonight I am tired, and tonight I don’t want to leave my little dorm couch and my tea and walk through the rain to hear about “stopping the stigma.” Tonight I am feeling the weight of the struggle in my heart again, and I need to rest. And I don’t want really want to hear about the stigma any more.

I didn’t know that a stigma about mental illness existed until this year. It never affected me before. Maybe I was naive, or maybe I just grew up in a community that accepted people for whom they were, no matter where their minds wandered to. You see, my family loves me. My friends support me. My sweet boyfriend listens to me. And my counselor hears my heart. None of these people had ever uttered the word “stigma” around me. 

I never felt that shame until I pushed through enough obstacles to finally make it to college, stable, and hear that there must be something disgraceful about the way that I am. Because everyone is trying to stop the stigma that follows me. 

The Oxford Dictionary defines stigma as “a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.” But I never felt disgrace before. Awkwardness, for sure. Maybe a little embarrassment. But disgrace? Never. 

No one ever told me that having a mental illness was shameful. No one ever told me that the pain in my head and in my heart wasn’t the worst problem of all. They didn’t tell me that the worst pain could be the rejection of others and the shame of admitting to mental illness. I didn’t know about the stigma. I wish that no one knew about this stigma. But I am glad that now I know other people struggle with more than just their mental illnesses. 

So, to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (even though I don’t know who you are) who organized this event, to the Counseling Center professionals who view students as more than a job, to the parents who pay for countless therapy sessions, to the friends who selflessly listen, to the significant others who unconditionally accept, to all of you who speak up about what you struggle with, from one who was fortunate enough to escape the stigma: Thank you for making it possible for the hope of a day when people will never have to hear the phrase “Stop the Stigma” because there will be no more stigma to stop. There will be no more shame, no more disgrace, for anyone.