Proposals are funny things. Some people value the intimacy that a proposal can bring by proposing at dinner or during a walk in the park. Other people choose to propose in a super public manner: with a flash mob, on a JumboTron or maybe during an Olympic medal ceremony. Don’t believe me? That’s exactly how He Zi, the Olympic medal-winning Chinese diver, was proposed to in Rio.
Qin Kai, Zi’s boyfriend of six years, proposed to the diver during her ceremony where she won a silver medal for diving. Zi was overcome with emotions to the point of tears. She won an Olympic medal and was proposed to, two huge moments. However, an argument against the proposal quickly arose. People began complaining that the proposal was wrongfully timed since it was during the moment that was set aside to celebrate Zi’s athletic achievement, calling it another form of “male control.”
Although people spoke out against the proposal in efforts to defend Zi’s right to her spotlight, her boyfriend’s proposal doesn’t necessarily show that he was trying to take it from her in the first place.
Considering what I have learned from romantic comedies and family members about how spontaneous, grandeur and public proposals usually work, the person who is planning on proposing knows that the person that they are proposing to will say yes.
Kai couldn’t have known for sure that Zi would be standing on the podium that day, but he was planning on proposing that day regardless of the outcome of her dive. According to an interview with Zi, she “found him reciting something [that morning].”
You might be wondering why Kai chose to propose in that exact instance. He had his speech planned, but it didn’t mean that he had to propose at the medal ceremony. Why not wait until the cameras were off or while she was doing an interview?
This is my theory: Kai, too, is an athlete, so he knows how important the Olympic Games are to Zi. He understands the hard work that she put into earning her medal and the overwhelming emotion that comes with a moment like that since he also won a bronze medal during the games. And, since he is so aware of how important that medal ceremony was to her, he found that moment to be the perfect time to add another piece of happiness to her life by asking her to marry him. And that is just not right to some people.
However, if the proposal didn’t sit right with some people, they really shouldn’t voice it in such a harsh way. Sunny Singh, a writer, said the public proposal was “a control mechanism,” “a dick move” and “definitely not romantic.”
Sure, we can have opinions and give our two cents. But, at the end of the day, the people who are claiming that the proposal was an act of “male control” by playing up their overly sensitive views are just hurting the same woman that they are trying to defend. Singh isn’t the only one to call the proposal names and these names, along with the negative articles, harsh media and unwelcome opinions will forever be included in Zi’s memory of the time she was proposed to and stood on the Olympic podium. It isn’t very feminist of us to scrutinize another woman’s proposal
Kai’s evident love for his girlfriend, as well as his understanding of how special the medal ceremony was to her, encouraged him to propose to Zi at that time. How can the same people who are claiming the proposal as an act of misogyny not realize that their negative thoughts on the event are effecting Zi at the same time? They are ultimately hurting her by bashing her proposal, creating a negative air around an important memory. Throwing hate on Zi’s special day (both for winning a silver medal and becoming engaged) is overly critical of an event that wasn’t meant to be criticized.
