Disclaimer: The Ivory Belltower is purely satirical. Don’t take it too seriously.
Starting college can be an overwhelming experience. There are so many things to figure out, from what kind of nerd will you share a room with, to which stuffed animals should you bring with you? Despite all the anxiety from diving into these new experiences, freshman orientation has been created to help you. As your orientation leaders and staff show you around where you will be trapped for the next four years, they create small talk in rendering the common cliche that college is full of opportunities. Except there is a missing half to this conversational piece they fail to address — opportunities to embarrass yourself.
Fortunately, there are many things you can do as well as resources available to save yourself from the embarrassment. But the most effective tactic in encountering any sort of problem is a prevention plan. With the newly recognized method of an “A Valuable Optimization Indirecting Discomfort” plan students can now AVOID embarrassment before it happens.
Minimizing interactions often minimizes awkwardness, according to the AVOID plan. This is made possible with various facilities on campus allowing for many great places to hide. As a result, students can maximize their opportunities to study, eat and do activities alone. Within the D. H. Hill Library, there are study cubicles designated for the sole purpose of minimizing interactions with others, therefore stopping embarrassing situations. But for more open places, such as the bus or dining hall tables this is more challenging. An effective strategy is spreading out your stuff. Placing your bag on the seat next to you easily prevents someone from sitting next to you.
Your dorm room is the single most effective place to shelter yourself. Containing a microwave and mini fridge provided in your room, the campus has taken measures to make sure you never have to worry about being hungry or ever leaving. This can be taken to another level by downloading Tapingo to order food to come to you. Micheal Ian Ammons, a junior studying computer science, has successfully hidden in his room from his peers. “I recommend getting a coffee maker for your room,” Ammons disclosed. “I use it to boil water for the bulk pack of ramen noodles I store under my bed.”
Unfortunately, some situations require your presence, but luckily AVOID can be used in class. Refraining from raising your hand in class usually works but to ensure your professor will not call on you, looking productive can help. Your professor would rather have you writing letters to your pet cat back home than turning red from inadequate knowledge of the course.
AVOID works well for social interactions as well. The less information you provide about yourself, the less people have to make connections to awkwardness. One tactic could be to adopt a fake name so that no one knows who you really are. Another way to use AVOID is to make excuses. Common ones can include: you have somewhere you need to be, you have to return some videotapes, you do not speak English well, or your room is on fire and you are looking for the nearest place to buy marshmallows.
It is understandable that attending a university can feel intimidating. To make the most out of your time at college, be sure to use AVOID for your experiences.
