Disclaimer: The Ivory Belltower is purely satirical. Don’t take it too seriously.

Welcome to this miserable hole known as NC State! We completely understand how you were too under-qualified to get into a better school, so you settled for us. Maybe you really should have started that stupid charity where you kayak across the sea for African children. Nevertheless, none of the stuff that you did in high school even matters now. Welcome to university, something you really don’t want to do, but you’d rather not get left behind in the menial rat race of white collar work. To help you cope with the existential and academic difficulties, here are the top-10 places to cry on campus:

1. Your dorm room: The privacy afforded by a dorm room is a nice luxury. Nobody, besides your roommate of course, will judge you for throwing your chemistry textbook across the room in a homework-induced rage.
2. The Brickyard: There are many scenic options to consider for NC State’s most public location. If you ever start sobbing right outside of the Atrium after you realize that you’ll never amount to anything more than an average worker, people will treat you like just another canvasser or preacher and just ignore you.
3. Bookstacks of D.H. Hill Library: At two in the morning, after working on the same math problem for four hours, you’ll likely feel the urge to cry and curse. If anybody comes by to shush you for being too loud, you can blame your crying on dust allergies.
4. Pullen Park: Nature has long been lauded as a source of comfort for many. Just be sure to conceal your pain from the children on the playground; let them keep their innocence for just a while longer.
5. Riddick Hearth: All of the physics majors will be able to empathize with the angst of living in an ambivalent, uncaring universe.
6. The Court of North Carolina: If you decide to cry while smoking a cigarette right outside of Caldwell Hall, people will just assume that you are a deep academic brooding over a Thomas Hardy poem.
7. Number 3 route Wolfline Bus: Nobody ever talks about anything of substance on the Engineering Bus, so neighboring strangers will avoid engaging you in conversation. Sure, they may judge you when they see you crying over the monotony of life, but deep down they’ll want to do the same.
8. Joyner Visitor Center: If you are going to cry about how insignificant you are at a university of 35,000, you might as well do it in front of high schoolers. This way, they’ll be deterred from ever coming here and suffering from the same fate. How noble of you.
9. Mitch’s Tavern: After 40 years of being the local dive bar, Mitch has likely seen hundreds of miserable students come in. A $2.75 mystery beer could help ease the dread from the endless pressure to succeed.
10. Hunt Library: Our architectural marvel draws an overwhelming amount of tourists and potential donors. Give them a glimpse of what life at NC State is really like by crying over your group project in front of them.