Disclaimer: The Technishit is purely satirical, don’t take it too seriously.
You’re standing in a ridiculous line at Starbucks Coffee and are running late. You are trying to determine if you have time to get your white chocolate mocha and still make it to work on time. Obviously, the easiest way to determine this would be to use your mathematics skills learned in your freshman year algebra class. You should calculate the mean time it takes for a customer’s order to be filled and also find out the exact probability of whether or not you will hit the two red lights on your way to work. This would be much simpler than pre-ordering your Starbucks on the Starbucks App and simply picking it up when it is ready.
Take Madison Sky, for example, who has been calculating mean wait times and the probability of red lights since 2001.
“This is the only way I can function,” Sky said. “Without my calculations I would be late to work every morning. Coffee lovers worldwide would be lost without the ability to calculate wait and order times. This is the only way I would be able to get my coffee before work without losing my mind. I owe it all to my undergraduate algebra professor.”
It is no secret that the weather is unpredictable in North Carolina. Thankfully, general education science courses have taught students to memorize annual rainfall amounts and patterns. After college, this skill will help students determine the weather before leaving for work each morning instead of asking Siri, like an uncultured civilian.
Zane Pakson, who graduated from an Ivy League university in 2013, stated his opinion in the matter.
“I am so very grateful to my freshman environmental science professor,” Pakson said. “I now know the annual rainfall in states across the driest areas of the country and can predict weather patterns in my region based on the weather patterns of the past. Although I am sometimes wrong and end up walking to work in acidic rain, I am glad that I don’t have to resort to using a weather app to check the weather every morning.”
Renaissance festivals are a tradition that has been celebrating Italian customs for many years now. Friends and family gather around to dress up in medieval costumes, drink beer, play games and indulge in decadent foods. This event would not be enjoyable without prior knowledge to the history of the Renaissance festival, which began in Europe during the 14th century. Without knowledge of dates of the Renaissance, rulers in power and knowledge of the political and social climate, the enjoyment of the Renaissance festival would not be possible.
Addison Wringley, pediatrician at a local Raleigh hospital, speaks of her experience with European history.
“This pumpkin flavor would not taste the same if I had not learned about the economic struggles that took place in Europe during the years before the Renaissance,” Wringley said. “My European History class helped me appreciate and understand Renaissance festivals by forcing me to memorize the entire map of Europe during the 1920s.”
It is Black Friday and your favorite store is having a sale where everything is 45 percent off. You are trying to determine whether or not you can afford to buy one or two new pairs of shoes. Instead of calculating the discounted cost of the shoes with your phone calculator, one could use their basic math skills to determine the percentage.
Alice Park has been calculating percentages in her head since middle school.
“Learning to calculate percentages in my head has helped me so much in the real world,” Park said. “Now I can calculate exactly how much my discounts are by doing math equations in my head instead of using a calculator. I have not used a calculator since middle school. It is useless because students today can easily remember formulas and use them accordingly.”
It is a beautiful day outside and you decide to go for a run. This is a chance where you could use your skills learned from your general physical education courses. Running is a basic skill, but now you are hyperaware of exactly how long to hold your stretches and exactly how fast you need to run to meet your ideal run-time. Watches, apps and other gadgets can do this same thing, but it is much more beneficial to attempt to track your pace/miles while trying breathe as you reach your fourth mile mark.
Justin Time, who is training for the 2017 New York Marathon, is one of many runners who relies on his knowledge learned in general education courses to achieve his fitness goals.
“I now stretch for exactly 8.7 seconds per stretch before I go on my runs,” Time said. “I also learned in college that I should be counting miles in my head as I run. This helps me focus on the physical activity. I could use a running watch, but my conditioning coach would frown upon me.”
