TECHNISHIT: Harrelson to be replaced with slightly smaller Harrelson

Disclaimer: Technishit is purely satirical, don’t take it too seriously.

NC State announced on Wednesday plans to construct a new building located on the site of the recently demolished Harrelson Hall. The new hall will resemble Harrelson Hall and be constructed with the same design, on a .96 scale.

As the second cylindrical classroom structure to ever be built on a college campus, the Brickyard’s new circular trophy will contain memorials of the first Harrelson Hall such as poor wiring and pie-shaped classrooms.

“We really missed the visual appeal of the building, and wanted to make something to remember it by,” said Bob the Builder, head architect of the NC State’s new rounded glory. “Chancellor Woody said the replacement couldn’t be as big as the original, so [we] found a way to comply with that.”

The building’s reconstruction came right after the school was receiving complaints from students that the building wasn’t suiting their learning needs.  After constant attempts at renovation the college eventually decided that renovation wasn’t enough and the only method to fix the issue was complete reconstruction.

“Sometimes the only way to fix a problem is to completely give up on it and create a new one,” said Mr. Builder. “But this will be smaller, so we’re definitely making progress.”

Other ideas were tossed around for what the building should be replaced with, but NC State felt they weren’t revolutionary enough. That is, until the Constructing Replicas and Company (CRAP) entered the scene.

CRAP is known for major projects such as the Las Vegas Eiffel Tower and Chinese Mount Rushmore.

“We felt as if seeing the building being demolished made students feel bad and the brickyard look empty, so we came up with an idea on how to reverse this,” said Elton Paxton, the CEO of Replica Construction Company. “We decided the best course of action would be to simply create a memorial of the original hall.”

The company didn’t want to make an exact copy of the old Harrelson so instead of being contributed to Col J Harrelson, the First North Carolina State Chancellor, this new building will be contributed to acclaimed actor Woody Harrelson.

“I was on board with the new contribution, because I felt like it would be better for the school to move on from the past chancellors, and appreciate the current chancellor a little more,” said NC State Chancellor Randal Woody.

Construction will begin in Fall 2017, and will require most of the brickyard for workspace. It is estimated that the construction will require blocking off the double staircase that goes down to the free expression tunnel as well as the pathway leading to D.H. Hill library.

“The timing and space provided was decided based off what we felt the students wanted to see,” Woody said. “We thought they would enjoy seeing the construction of the new building so we increased the provided construction space and decided to proceed with construction during the school year, kind of like how we decided to proceed with the Hillsborough construction.”

New students seem very excited about the new plan, as they don’t remember what Harrelson was to NC State. Penelope Masterson, a freshman studying seaweed cultivation, is happy that Harrelson is coming back and said she can’t wait for the construction to be finished.

“I can’t wait for them to finish constructing Harrelson, I don’t know much about the old Harrelson, but I shop at a store called Harrelson all the time,” Masterson said. “And if they’re bringing that Harrelson here I can just shop there after I’m done with classes in Dabney.”