What is our fascination with holidays?

As if living weren’t enough, we have to put extra weighton certain days to remind us that we have grandparents, orsignificant others, or boxes (Canadians…).

Of course religious holidays rank supreme, and tend to last forthe better part of a season rather than just a day.

Religious holidays are all great and good, but you do run therisk of thinking Jesus drives a sled, and god lays paintedeggs…well that’s at least what I thought until I found outthat Jesus was actually my father with a fake beard, and Godpreferred plastic eggs with candy in the center rather than hardboiled.

But it’s not really the religious holidays I’mspeaking of, but days like Halloween, and Valentine’s Day,and Columbus day eccetera eccetera dot, dot, dot.

For instance, I was driving down a sub-division not far fromcampus last week when I passed a door decorated with a straw andwitch hat wreath.

My first thought was, “Awe, that’s cute,” butthen I remembered it was September 9 and Halloween isn’tusually until October 31.

I thought about calling social services on the off chance thesame person who decorated that door had children, but taking acloser look a realized that most of the houses on the block wereprimed in Hallo-wear.

I guess by next week, they’ll have turned thejack-o-lanterns around to give an authentic fall touch, and by theOctober 1 I’d be spotting large illuminated plasticSanta’s on roof tops and wicker reindeer posed in suggestivepositions in front yards.

One begins to wonder about the lives of such prematurecelebrators: marriages hanging on by a few hundred milligrams ofvalium, children who moved away years ago and refuse to let theirkids visit their grandparents except on holidays, or perhapsinsecure old men affirming their superiority by “outdoing” the guy couple next door.

The possibilities are endless, but it seems it might not be ourfault but big bad corporate America.

I mean, supermarkets have had a halloween isle since mid July,and you better act quick if you want the new Gandolf the Whitecostume because the Halloween supply will give way to blinkinglights and silk garland by the end of this week.

I’m beginning to wonder if we as individuals have anychoice in the matter.

Who knows?

Besides, it hasn’t been confirmed that FTD inventedValentine’s Day, or that FedEx paid off the CanadianGovernment, or even that Billy Graham started St. Patty’s dayto smear the image of blue collar Irish-catholics.

Don’t even get me started on Columbus day.

Anywho, Happy Holidays.