I recently wrote a series of columns in the Technician about several of what I consider to be distasteful and unhealthy social comparison dynamics. These included the dangers of finding false validation through what we perceive to be a “busier” schedule than others, comparing our pain with pain of others and the dangers of comparing domestic and local issues to international issues, and the local passivity that often results from those evaluations.
These comparison dynmics are so prevalent that nothing about them strikes us as irregular. But why is it that we see these dynamics permeate into topics such as our schedules, or even our deepest sufferings and pain? Why is it that this paradigm continues to reveal itself—and in so many different forms? What is the underlying cause?
To understand why comparisons are so prevalent, we first need to understand why they are so attractive to us.
Among the reasons we are attracted to comparisons is that, in them, we perceive the ability to derive value in some form. It’s as if there exists a multitude of social markets, where we get value from using different social currencies in each. Sometimes the highest form of social currency might be appearance, sometimes intellect, or even busyness. In exchange for the cost of evaluating these aspects of ourselves in relation to others, we perceive the chance of a greater benefit. These benefits include the possible assurance that we are physically attractive. Perhaps the benefit we desire is the assurance that we are truly intelligent or that we have overcome great suffering, and therefore are resilient people.
At the root of all of these perceived benefits is an underlying theme. Each metric, whether beauty, intellect, resiliency, or whatever else a person may choose, is used at least to a degree as an indicator of his or her worth and value as a person. All of us desire to know that we are valuable. Therefore, comparisons to others often provide a convenient avenue to reassure ourselves.
The problem with this reassurance is its price, rooted in one’s belief of where worth and value originate. The question of what makes us valuable is an immensely difficult one to answer. It is a question that a multitude of faiths, philosophies and theories have offered answers to and that demands deep and purposeful thought.
The problem is that comparison paradigms discourage us from giving this problem of our worth and value the purposeful thought it necessarily demands. Instead, we settle for convenient and surface-level reassurances of our value through an abundance and diversity of comparisons. In lieu of properly reflecting on the issue, we satisfy ourselves for what we perceive as the most immediate social metric of our value. Whether this is done consciously or unconsciously, we pay a hefty price by remaining unaware of what truly makes us valuable.
This comparison dynamic also takes our personal contentment and satisfaction out of our hands. When we compare ourselves to others, we are dependent upon them as a medium for validating our worth. By nature though, people are always changing, moving and developing. We are dynamic. That means that when we compare ourselves to others, we are evaluating in relation to ever-changing variables.
Of course, we can’t control these variables because we can’t control people. Therefore, we resign our contentment and happiness over to factors that will always remain outside our control. What we can control, however, is our personal belief about what makes us valuable. It is imperative that we give the question of our worth the thought and reflection it requires. Only then will we know our own metric for personal worth, and be able to step outside the comparison trap.
