Re: Micro-aggressions
“So, where are you really from?”
“You speak English so well!”
“Your last name is Adams?! You don’t look like an Adams at all!”
These are all things that have been said to me throughout my life as a biracial Korean-American who was born and raised in the good ol’ U.S. of A. If you look at each statement individually, you may think it would be a little frustrating but ultimately not a big deal. But, what if I told you that these things have been said to me hundreds of times? What if I told you that these repeated statements have had a cumulative effect on me over time through their secondary message, a message that says, “You are perceived as a foreigner and not American”? What if I told you that sometimes I feel very tired of having to carry the responsibility of educating people each time this happens on why their statements had a negative impact on me and why it may impact others the same way?
This is the power of micro-aggressions.
Mr. [Ian] Grice is clearly passionate about what it takes for us to develop into a multi-cultural society, and his message is not lost here: Talk to those who you perceive as different than you, be open to learning about their experiences, and embrace the differences between you as a strength of our community, not a weakness.
But Mr. Grice also sends another message: Don’t worry about the impact you might be having on others because you have good intentions. I want to encourage multicultural communication as well, but take it one step further. I challenge you to reach out to those different than you with good intent and think about your impact. Intent and impact, they don’t always align. If we want to create multicultural understanding, talking about how we engage with those whom we perceive as having a different experience than us is as important as actually having those conversations. If we suspect or become aware that we might have committed a micro-aggression, try not to get defensive. Invite the individual to talk about the impact of your question or statement. If they aren’t able or aren’t interested in doing that, make some time to process it later with a mentor or someone who has experience with multicultural communication on campus (like Multicultural Student Affairs or the Counseling Center). Rest assured that your intent was good, but don’t let that stop you from learning something important for the future. Lastly, if you are really up for a challenge, think about how society embeds biases about other groups within us that may at times play on our assumptions of others and lead to micro-aggressions.
Surely, there are more conversations to come about this topic in our community. I look forward to us all achieving a better understanding together and further strengthening our bond.
Go Pack,
PJ. Adams, P.h.D.
NCSU Counseling Center
Multicultural Coordinator