When I walk into a bookstore, I go straight for the romance section. The idealized version of love and sex portrayed in romance novels is a means of escapism for me — as it is for many people — making it my genre of choice. But as much as I recognize these depictions of sex, referred to as smut, aren’t realistic, it’s difficult to fight the unreasonable expectations instilled within me.
Some of the most popular romance novels are also some of my favorites: Emily Henry’s “Book Lovers” and “Beach Read,” Sarah J. Maas’s “A Court of Thorns and Roses” series, Colleen Hoover’s “Ugly Love” and Ali Hazelwood’s “The Love Hypothesis.” I’ve enjoyed reading all of these books, but the sex scenes in them aren’t representative of sex in real life.
“Ugly Love” is a book essentially centered around sex, as the two main characters establish a no-strings-attached sexual relationship. One section of the novel reads, “We’re doing exactly what we agreed to do in the beginning, which was to have sex. A lot of sex. Shower sex. Bedroom sex. Floor sex. Kitchen-table sex.”
The average person certainly isn’t having kitchen-table sex, and even if they are, I can’t imagine that it’d be comfortable. Colleen Hoover doesn’t show a scene where the sex is anything but orgasmic — pun intended — for either character.
I won’t deny that I absolutely loved this book regardless.
One thing that really bothers me when I’m reading smut is that the female characters will have multiple orgasms through penetration alone. In reality, according to a 2017 study, only 18.4% of women reported vaginal intercourse alone as sufficient for orgasm. Moreover, The New York Times states that most studies record only 15% of women having multiple orgasms during intercourse. It’s also interesting that 80% of women say they’ve faked reaching orgasm at least half of the times they’ve had sex.
Another issue I’ve found is that the male characters in these books seem to be far more interested in pleasuring their partner than the average guy. For example, in “A Court of Silver Flames,” a novel in the “A Court of Thorns and Roses” series, the male love interest, after receiving oral sex, wanted to return the favor to his female partner.
I would need more fingers than I have to count on hand how many times I’ve heard women complain about the men they’ve had sex with only caring about their personal pleasure. Conversely, I could count on only one hand how many times I’ve heard women talk about their male partners exhibiting similar behavior and interest in the bedroom as the character in “A Court of Silver Flames.”
A lot of men are selfish in bed, and romance novels don’t reflect that. If anything, this simply sets women up for disappointment in the bedroom.
I’m not condemning reading romance books and their related smut in any fashion. I certainly won’t be abandoning the genre that has brought me so much joy in tough times. However, it’s important that we don’t hold ourselves to the standards set in these books.
Sometimes I feel discouraged when finishing a romance novel because the love and sex portrayed are nearly, if not completely, perfect. But since I don’t plan to stop reading these books anytime soon, I’ll just have to remind myself that perfection isn’t attainable in any aspect of our lives. After all, it’s called fiction for a reason.
