Stigma, defined as a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality or person, is what stands between many students struggling with depression and a happy life, and it’s what drove Daniel Goldstein and Noah Martinson to go out into the Brickyard a year ago to ask students to talk about their struggles with depression and thoughts of suicide.
“We were just having conversations about the stigma associated with suicide and how difficult it is for people to talk about in an open and honest way,” said Goldstein, a social worker at the NC State Counseling Center. “We know that it’s happening, we know that people are impacted by this and we thought there was kind of a gap in how big of a problem it is and how little it was being discussed in an open way.”
To their surprise, many students opened up to them, and three agreed to speak on camera for a video that was shown at this year’s World Suicide Prevention Day vigil on Sept. 10.
Baysha Bernales, a doctoral student studying physics who is currently taking a leave of absence from school; Wyatt Bond, a junior studying middle-school education; and Claudia McDonald, a sophomore studying business management, gave candid accounts of their suicide attempts, what led them to that point and what stopped them from going all the way, whether it was luck, a concerned stranger or a pause to remember good things.
For Bernales, the opportunity to speak about her experience was cathartic.
“I had never spoken to people at large about the one thing that led to my PTSD and suicide [attempt] which was my sexual assault,” Bernales said. “It was something I had to keep under wraps because I never pressed charges so I could have been sued for defamation of character if I said anything.”
Bernales said that in the aftermath of her sexual assault, coming back to campus was nearly impossible, but the Counseling Center made her feel welcome and was an “oasis in the desert.”
“They set up an environment where I knew I would be listened to and that they wouldn’t ask me to do anything I was incapable of doing,” Bernales said.
The turnaround wasn’t immediate, however. Bernales found out that her cancer had gone into remission around the time of shooting the video, after which her fiancé broke off their engagement, sending her into a downward spiral that brought back the same feelings of hopelessness.
“I know now that [suicide] is not a viable option and that I have the skills and strength to get past those feelings,” Bernales said. “Every day that I’m alive is a victory and a step toward recovery, but there’s always the possibility of falling back into that place.”
The best thing that counselors and the general population can do, Goldstein said, is to talk about the issues without being shamed.
“That was our mission — to just go out on campus and see if people were willing to come out of the dark and start a conversation about it,” Goldstein said.
The Counseling Center has received positive feedback for the video.
“We’ve had an outpouring of really positive responses from the work we’ve done — people feeling seen, people feeling relieved and that there is more space on campus to talk more plainly about this stuff,” Goldstein said.
Though dealing with these issues is not uncommon for counselors, Goldstein said he was inspired by the experience of simply asking the initial question.
“I was inspired by the courage and bravery of the students who shared their stories,” Goldstein said. “And, hopefully, inspired to live with the same courage that these students are.”