From the moment I started dating, or rather, the moment I was allowed to start dating, my mother began to quote this one phrase — always with the same tone of voice and always with the same expression. And until recently, I never quite understood it. Whenever I came home with a broken heart or made excuses for some guy we both knew was no good, she’d grab my hand, look me in my eyes and say, “Don’t take no wooden nickels, baby. You don’t have to settle.” Each time, I’d wipe my face with a renewed sense of faith and purpose and go back into the world and seemingly make the same mistake, again and again.
My mother and I are different in more than one way. She’s domestic and nurturing. I am free-spirited and quixotic. We tend to butt heads a lot, but at the end of the day, there isn’t a single piece of advice she’s given that has failed me. She was, and has always been, right about everything and everyone.
So when I told her that the guy I was dating could only spend time with me late at night because he was focused on his career, she was less than impressed to say the least. She didn’t understand this new form of dating. Going to the movies and out to dinner has been traded for “Netflix and chill” in our generation, a scenario that does not require spending any money and usually does not end with “chilling.” Liking pictures on Instagram and “favoriting” tweets on Twitter have replaced genuine expressions of fondness and interest.
Initially I made excuses:
“This is just the way things are.”
“No one has time to date anymore.”
Even now I think that every woman has the right to establish a standard in her romantic life that works for her. But I am not ready to give up on flowers and opening doors for no reason.
Don’t get me wrong, as a self-proclaimed feminist, I am in no way arguing that we go back to the ‘50s where women wait on guys to make the first expression of interest and stay home and bake pies all day — unless that’s your kind of thing. However, I’d be lying if I said that this generation’s form of dating didn’t suck; and who knows, maybe it’s the kind of guys I’ve been dealing with, but I’d argue that more than one person reading this column can relate.
Wooden nickels are worthless. They have absolutely no value and serve no purpose. Of course, the phrase can apply to more than just dating — careers, friendships and family. I think that our generation has gotten comfortable with wooden nickels because everyone has been dishing them out left and right. We’ve established them as an acceptable form of currency, and I think that we’re selling ourselves short. Sorry for the awful pun.
Identify the things that are important to you in your relationships, and don’t settle for anything less.
