I was sitting in the library three days ago trying to come up with a topic for today’s column. I’ve written half a column predicting what would happen in two hypothetical universes: one in which we lose to UNC this Thursday – and in the other more glorious, universe we’re all bronze muscled demigods living in everlasting sunshine—and instead of just the Belltower glowing red, the entire sky turns red because we just stomped Carolina into tiny blue pieces.
Unfortunately, the writing didn’t feel as organic as I wanted it to. So I decided to do my usual Google search to relieve some boredom, and this one turned out to be fruitful.
I found an article MSNBC published seven years ago declaring Jan. 24 to be, drum roll please…the most depressing day of the year. The article cites a study led by Cliff Arnall , who created this “Blue Monday” formula to reach his depressing conclusion:
[W + (D-d)] x TQ
MxNA
“The equation is broken down into seven variables: (W) weather, (D) debt, (d) monthly salary, (T) time since Christmas, (Q) time since failed quit attempt, (M) low motivational levels and ( NA ) the need to take action.”
You mathematicians may be asking how these variables were resolved to integers that, when put into this formula, equal Jan. 24, and that is a good question, please let us know when you figure it out.
If you can look past the fact that this makes very little sense, then you’ll start to see it makes a little bit of sense. I think this formula generally applies to N.C. State students.
We’re forced to put up with crappy weather while we roam campus either in search of food, our next learning fix or somewhere to chill. Get it? Because it’s cold. We’re constantly broke, especially after paying for Christmas gifts and the small fortune we pay for textbooks. With all of these negative extraneous factors, it’s easy to see why we would have low motivational levels.
Now that I’ve profoundly bummed you out, I’m going to ask that you don’t throw yourself off of Harrelson just yet. I want to take this opportunity to remind you all to not stray from whatever goals you have set for yourself this semester.
By now, many of us have been scrambling trying to adjust to new schedules and have lost sight of our personal goals. It’s easy to let things that are present weigh down on you, but don’t forget to look to the temporarily warm and sunnier future.
As silly as I think New Year’s resolutions are, I do believe people make them in an effort to be happier, and I see nothing wrong with being happy…unless what makes you happy is creepy or morbid. In that case, you should never be happy.
Because I’m assuming you care, I’m going to share my semester goal with all of you. I’m hoping you follow my example and find someone to tell your goals to so that you can be held to your word. So here it goes: I, Ahmed Salah Mohamad Metwally Amer , will increase the intensity with which I disapprovingly stare at happy, hand-holding couples in the Brickyard tenfold.
So whether your goal was to get a 4.3, lose/gain weight, eat a 72-ounce steak, or finally ask out your crush without crying in public, not speaking from experience, I’m here to say this: finish reading Technician, recycle it, then do it! Don’t let Jan. 24, or any other day for that matter, stop you.
