Readers, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The number one threat to the North Carolina way of life is gay people. But as much as they’d like for me to talk about them in this week’s column, I’m going to take time to address the second biggest threat to North Carolinians: science.
Science has never benefited North Carolina in any way, and what’s even worse is scientists are trying to threaten our beloved coast. The North Carolina Coastal Resources Commission predicts that sea level on the coast will rise one meter by 2100.
You might be asking yourself “why does this matter?” Well, if you’re a land developer considering building on the coast, your decision will be affected by predictions in rising sea level. A 39-inch rise in sea level would devastate the coastal real estate market. North Carolina legislators are considering a bill that will require sea level prediction to be based on historical data, and that data lowers the rise in sea level to eight inches.
This “science” didn’t sit well with Tom Thompson, chairman of NC-20, an economic development group for the 20 coastal counties in NC.
Thompson said he’s skeptical because “the economy could be tremendously impacted by a hypothetical number with nothing but computers and speculation.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. Since when do we do anything with computers? I don’t know about you, but I do all of my schoolwork with an abacus, a stone tablet and a chisel. As far as I’m concerned, computers are only good for finding cat memes and Facebook stalking my exes. You can only trust a computer as far as you can throw it, and I’m not talking about the new laptops like the MacBook Air, I’m talking about the bulky, outdated models.
Speaking of outdated, NC-20 proposed that predictions of the rising sea level be made as a linear function of historical data. Some would call that stupid; I call it efficient. NC-20’s method omits all of the little fluctuations that, let’s face it, have absolutely no significance at all. I’ve even started applying the model to my studies in economics and finance. I live in a world where supply never decreases because demand for elastic goods never decreases; people will continue to buy a product because they’ve bought the product before.
In an effort to comfort you, I would like to say that I have done very little research on this issue. Doing research would mean I’m doing science. I did read a document titled “Great Sea Level Humbug.pdf” NC-20 put on their website to disprove the NCCRC’s findings, and by “read” I mean I glanced at the pictures and graphs.
You’ll be relieved to know that, according to the information presented in the document, sea level near the Maldives (southwest of India) actually fell in the 1970’s. See? There’s no way sea level could rise in North Carolina’s coast in the future. That comparison is as sound as any infrastructure that may be built on the coast.
But this isn’t about who’s right and who’s wrong-it’s about how policy is made. And once again, North Carolina legislators are teaching us a valuable lesson: Why make good policy today when you can put it off until tomorrow?
