The Fair is over, which means everything will go back to normal. Except, maybe, your arteries.

People say they go to the State Fair for rides and shows and exhibits, but deep down, those things are just excuses to go eat really, really, really unhealthy food. Many of them (myself included) probably left with a stomach ache.

So, in order to protect myself and the millions of people who read the Technician daily from grease laden stomachs and diabetic shock next year, (and with the help of some friends) I made it a point to sample as many typical fair foods as possible — with the exception of funnel cake. I love funnel cake, but it’s getting old. I made the decision to avoid it and, instead, focused on other foods.

There were two new food items at the Fair this year — fried macaroni and cheese and fried pecan pie. I’ve heard of fried mac and cheese, but fried pecan pie? Seriously? As if the concentrated sugar goop and saturated fat in the pecans wasn’t enough.

I had to try it.

Of course, I made the mistake of going on a Saturday night, when every other person in Raleigh is also at the Fair. So after 20 minutes in line at one of those big booths with the dozens of obnoxious multi-colored signs I finally got 5 small golden triangle things and a big soggy golden triangle thing on a stick.

The thing on a stick turned out to be the pie, and it was ok. I found myself wishing that I’d just ordered pecan pie on a stick and not fried pecan pie on a stick. The fried part was just too doughy and greasy. Overall, I thought it was sort of disappointing. My friends seemed to like it alright, but that might have been because they didn’t have to spend $5 on it.

The five golden triangle things turned out to be the fried mac and cheese. The Kraft-y fake cheese-powder taste actually depressed me.

To bring my spirits back up, I went to a booth operated by old men in hats — always a good festival or fair choice — and got a hot dog. Nothing about it was fried and it was perfect.

That night I closed with a caramel apple. The actual natural food item on the inside was a welcome reprieve from the gallon of fat I’d just eaten.

It took a week for me to get up the gastric strength to go back. This time a friend and I arrived at 10:30 in the morning to avoid those pesky lines.

After sampling a polish sausage with peppers and onions, I realized what a mistake I had made. See, food booths are slow in the morning, but that doesn’t mean the workers don’t cook anything. Those peppers and onions were akin to soggy pulp. A peek around the counter revealed a 6-inch tall stack of vegetables. The bottom was black.

My tasting companion and I made our way down the midway in search of a booth with no food in sight. We found a place that seemed safe and ordered ribbon fries. I think the serving was a bit light for $6 worth of potatoes, but at least they were fresh.

As we began the walk back to the gate, my friend said she wanted a funnel cake. I wanted to tell her, “No funnel cake!” but deep inside I knew that I wanted some too. We found a booth that made their cakes fresh –  none of that pre-frying crap — and bought one.

And wouldn’t you know, after all those other gutbusters, the old-fashioned, boring funnel cake was best.

Tell Taylor about your fair food experiences at [email protected].