Tuesday morning as I drove on the Outer Beltline to school, I saw the mostmagnificent sunrise, full of a multitude of bright vibrant colors. Upon observingthis wonderful sight, I began to realize there are two sides to being a studentteacher: the bright happiness — much like the rising daylight, like the sunrise beforeme, and the darkness of being alone and isolated — much like the fadingnight.
You may be shocked as to why I used the words “alone” and “isolated” todescribe being a student teacher, while in the same breath using the word happiness.
Well, as a student teacher you lack an identity. For the past three and a half years Ihave always been a part of the N.C. State family as a student, but this semester –while I still hold my Student ID — I do not feel a part of the NCSU community. I feelthis because I am rarely engaged in what is happening on campus day-to-day.Spending nine or 10 hours a day at, or traveling to, the school where I teach, I no longer feela part of the University and the campus that I have walked the previous seven semesters.
While I feel disconnected from NCSU, I also don’t feel like I have a completeidentity at my school. Yes, I do spend 45-plus hours a week in the school, workinglike a regular teacher. But I fully feel apart from the school community in that I amnot a full-time teacher. Maybe this feeling will diminish over the course of thesemester. I hope it does, but only time will tell.
As a student teacher my nights are mostly spent alone in my apartment, winding down from the day or preparing for the next. The weekday social life that I once enjoyed before student teaching has now become almost nonexistent.
Since I’m often not on campus, I don’t hear of what’s happening around campus and on Hillsborough Street, or even if people are going out for a few drinks. Some nights I would love to be a college student, to go to Mitch’s or East Village one evening for a couple of hours, but others I just want to re-energize myself and stay home.
Much like darkness gives way to the majestic sunrise, so do any negative feelingsI may have as a student teacher. Every morning at 8 a.m., when the first bell rings, Ihave a joyful feeling move throughout me as I see the faces of my students. Thefirst day I taught a lesson to the class I felt like I was making a differenceand impacting the students’ lives.
And I didn’t realize that I was actually inspiring the students until the third day of thesemester.
One of my students told me her academic advisor was trying to switch her out ofmy class and into a different one. I didn’t want to lose any of my students,especially one in whom I saw potential. I told her I would be sad if sheleft. She responded by saying, “I don’t want to leave either. I like thisclass because you make it interesting.”
After hearing this, I knew I was getting into the right profession. That commentmeant so much to me that I didn’t care about any possible downsides of being astudent teacher. I know that I am where I need to be and belong — that’s in front of a classroom as Mr. Walton, teaching my students.
