On Mar. 1, Student Government began impeachment proceedings against Student Body President Whil Piavis, a.k.a. “The Pirate Captain.” I believe these impeachment proceedings are small-natured and silly.
To understand the nature of this impeachment, we must first understand the nature of SG. SG is a joke. Officials wield no real power; they do not control budgets, nor hire new faculty, nor approve vast projects for the improvement of the campus community. All they do is formulate impotent and worthless resolutions that do no good to anyone. SG is like a bunch of little kids playing house. The president of the Senate says, “Who approves of this resolution?” and the senators vote “Aye,” in the same way that a little kid walks in the door of his bedroom, wipes his brow, and says “Whew, rough day at work,” and his 6-year-old pretend wife says, “Oh, honey would you like me to cook you something?” and, upon his approval, busies herself roasting imaginary potatoes on an imaginary stove. SG is make-believe government; it isn’t real.
These impeachment proceedings are just one more manifestation of the SG’s desire to behave like a real government. High-ranking officials reason that real governments are capable of impeaching their presidents, so if they themselves impeach their president, they will achieve some greater degree of legitimacy. The only flaw in this reasoning is that the student body president is just as impotent as they are, so impeaching him will do nothing for SG’s prestige. Impeaching Whil Piavis is like crushing a bug and calling it hunting.
It is worthy of note, perhaps, that Piavis is the first president in our school’s history to be threatened with the prospect of impeachment. Why are they impeaching Piavis? What gross outrage has he committed to deserve this unprecedented censure? Examining the Bill for Impeachment, I find that the grounds comprise 15 or 16 flimsy, pardonable criticisms of Piavis’ conduct, which perhaps argue that he is not a fabulous president, but in no way justify his impeachment. The real reason SG wishes to impeach Piavis, of course, is that he dresses like a pirate. High-ranking officials are jealous of Piavis’ political success and the brilliant manner in which he achieved it, and so they wish to punish him, bring him down, in the manner of all little people who are jealous of superior talents.
I find it extremely ironic that SG wishes to impeach Piavis for the same reason that he was elected in the first place — that he dresses like a pirate — but that is nothing to the point.
The 10 senators who sponsored the Bill of Impeachment are little-natured, jealous, pathetic creatures. They hate Piavis as mediocre point guards hate Allen Iverson, or mediocre guitarists hate Eddie van Halen. They hate Piavis because he is a much better politician than they are, and because he achieved something truly extraordinary last year with his The Pirate Captain campaign.
It is true, I must confess, that Piavis has done very little to benefit the student body. But this is a charge that could be levied against any student body president in our school’s history. Piavis has done nothing for the student body, for the simple reason there is nothing he CAN do. He is a member of SG and therefore basically powerless. I myself have more power than Piavis. I am a teaching assistant, and when I grade papers, I must make decisions that actually affect the lives of students. Piavis just sits in his offices and initiates worthless resolutions that are immediately vetoed by his petty, jealous Senate.
In initiating impeachment proceedings against Piavis, 10 senators have revealed themselves childish, spiteful little imps. I will not list all their names. However, two of them are running for major offices, and them I will denote. Matt Walton and Benton Sawrey, both of whom who sponsored the bill, are running in the upcoming election. Walton is running for Senate president, and Sawrey is running for COM Senator. They have shown themselves to be petty and of small natured, and have far less right to be in SG than Piavis. Piavis may dress like a pirate, but at least he hasn’t attacked anyone yet.
E-mail Jeff at [email protected]
