Hey, Katharine. I hope you’re doing well. We’ve not corresponded in awhile, so I thought I’d write you and tell you what’s up here at N.C. State. This is intended to be a column for Technician , but it’s easier to write if I’m just writing to you. I hope you don’t mind.
So we had our elections, as usual. I wished the Pirate Captain would’ve run again, but he declined to do so. Apparently, he encountered a lot of opposition from the Student Senate, which was a shame. The election was won by Will Quick, who was a bit too frat-ish and All-American for my taste, but it doesn’t matter anyway, so what the hell?
I got my teaching assistantship renewed, which was nice. People complain about a lack of funding in all aspects of university life, but it seems to me that this University exists to educate and do research, and if that’s what you want to do, then this University will support you. Universities are a bloody racket. I tell you, Kat, professors here have the cushiest job in the world.
Hmm. What else? I hope you’re enjoying your time at Carolina. I’m sure you’ve heard about that uproar at Duke with the stripper and the lacrosse team. Either she’s a shameless little hustler who’s trying to pick up a seven-figure settlement or they’re a bunch of conscienceless apes. I don’t care either way. Fight your battles, people, just don’t tread on me.
So, how about Iraq? Have you forgotten all about Iraq, Kat? I have, more or less. Yup, we’re at war with the Iraqis, but not too many American soldiers seem to be dying and there’s nothing to be done because I’m not commander in chief. The stupid thing about Iraq is that it is a desert and it is very hard to invade and occupy a desert. There are too many places to hide and a hostile guerilla movement can maintain itself indefinitely.
And really, no European race has ever succeeded in holding a Middle Eastern country. The Macedonians, Greeks, Romans, Franks and Turks have each established footholds, and each in their turn been unceremoniously expelled. The Middle East belongs to the Semites and they resent government by Westerners with all the fight in their collective being. Also, it is not right to occupy the country of a different race and govern it in your own way.
So. I wonder if you’re still with that guy, James. I hope that worked out well. College relationships are fun, but a bit draining. The thing is, there are so many women to choose from, and if one doesn’t work out you can move on to another. And yeah, some of them will think you’re crazy and turn up their noses in disgust, but some of them will be interested. If you take 10 shots you might make three and miss seven, but that’s a satisfactory percentage.
I wonder if you are getting bored with James? Many of my friends in relationships profess to be bored with their current situation. The thing is, once you’re in a relationship you’re stuck with this person, and if you don’t like her you must tolerate her nonetheless. Your hands are tied and you can’t free yourself without hurting someone you care about. Yup, I say we shouldn’t force relationships, and if they come along we should be glad and if they don’t work out we should be glad too.
I guess you’re still a twig, Kat. You’re lucky. College is an easy place to get fat, for sure. In my experience the best way not to get fat is to drink only water and find some fun team sport — basketball or soccer — and play it all the time.
Oh, there’s a whole new staff here at Technician . Rebecca Heslin is gone; she was a good editor, if a little strict. The editor is now Tyler Dukes, who seems a capable fellow. I’ll be back next year and oh crap ace-queen suited! Yes, two spades on the flop! Damn, no spade on the river, but I paired the ace and won $5.50.
So, I’m a sitting here playing poker, and saying goodbye to you, Kat. Thanks for reading and I hope things are going well with whatever you’re doing now. Have a swell day and peace.
E-mail Jeff at [email protected].