There is one week left before Valentine’s Day and I can already feel the unrest beginning to churn. Singles are traditionally bitter and sarcastic about Valentine’s Day. They usually claim that it’s just a secret plot by Hallmark and Hershey’s to get their profits up early in the year. Conversely, people with significant others are usually sickeningly mushy and dramatic. I propose that this year we stop the perpetuation of these terrible stereotypes and just try to enjoy the day for what it’s worth.
Have you ever been sitting in traffic seething because you know that there is no reason for it and that people are just slowing down to look at a fender bender or a pretty butterfly? When that happens to me, I sometimes wish we were better organized to the point where everyone in every car could just hit the gas and all start going 60 at the exact same moment so no one would get hit and we could stop waiting for a guy four miles ahead of us to realize the light is green.
That is roughly how I feel about Valentine’s Day. I have a feeling that if everyone just decided to take it easy on everyone else and have reasonable expectations for some random Tuesday which seems almost arbitrarily dedicated to love that all of the conflicts and hurts that arise on Valentine’s Day would just end, instantly.
Single people — there is nothing wrong with most of you. You are just selective and there’s nothing wrong with the fact that no one good enough for you has come along yet. Try not to think of Valentine’s Day as a time where happily situated people like to force their happiness down your throat until your gag reflex can no longer contain your revulsion. Think of it as a time to enjoy all the people in your life whom you do love and who love you. Whether it’s your parents, friends or extended family, everyone has someone who makes their life more pleasant, simply by being a part of it, and Valentine’s Day is a great time to let those people know how important they are to you.
Taken people — it’s wonderful that you have someone special to share Valentine’s Day with, but just try to remember that not everyone is as supremely content as you are and thus you need to be careful about how loudly you exclaim your delight throughout the day. While it’s a fact that whatever your boyfriend/girlfriend did was wonderful, everyone around you doesn’t want to listen to you gush about it the entire day. I know it seems crazy, but trust me. Keep the lovey-dovey stuff to a minimum when you’re in public. Remember that if the roles were reversed you would appreciate the same consideration.
Bitter people who live everyday as though they are an old maid at their younger sister’s wedding — take it easy. This will probably come as a pretty serious shock; you may want to sit down before reading on. Ready? OK. Everyone around is not living their lives with the sole purpose of making you more miserable. I know it may seem like it, what with them talking about being happy, smiling and doing other unspeakable acts in public (like kissing or holding hands or breathing), but I can guarantee that they are not. I beg of you, for your own sake and the sake of everyone unfortunate enough to come into contact with you on Valentine’s Day, please, relax. Try not to spoil anyone’s good time with your hateful ranting for 24 hours.
I hope this year we can return to a kinder, gentler Valentine’s Day. Remember grade school, when you were guaranteed a valentine from everyone in your class because there was a rule that if you gave valentines to anyone, you had to give them to everyone? I miss the days of Valentine’s Day being less serious and more nonexclusive. I support a return to the time where Valentine’s Day was fun for everyone because it wasn’t such a big deal. How about we all try to just enjoy the day for face value without getting caught up in the nonsense? Similar to my plans for ending traffic through cooperation I think that if, in unison, we all took the giant chips off of our shoulders and realized that Valentine’s Day isn’t all about romance and love, we could all enjoy the day for its possibilities.
Ask Kate to be your Valentine at [email protected]