We are only in the second week of 2006 and I have already failed at all of my original, unnecessarily ambitious New Year’s resolutions. By this time I had planned to be a far superior version of myself. I should be smarter, better-looking and kinder. Also, this column should have been written a week ago. I naturally like to place the blame for any failure as far away from myself as possible and this is no exception. I submit that the problem is not me but that it is, in fact, the institution of New Year’s resolutions.
Basically, the whole notion of New Year’s resolutions gets increasingly ridiculous the more I think about it. Overnight, we are supposed to gain all the self-control, drive, organization and God only knows what else that we have been lacking our entire lives? I can virtually guarantee that will never happen, and for good reason. If it was that easy to be better we’d have done it already, right?
I did a little reading about New Year’s resolutions and it seems that they date back from the early Babylonians’ celebrations of the new year. Now, I’m not much for conspiracy theories that don’t include government cover-ups or aliens, but does anyone else remember a little thing called the fall of Babylon? Take it easy, I’m not suggesting that somehow the fact that Babylonians invented New Year’s resolutions had anything to do with unfriendly armies destroying their civilization. I’m just noting that if their New Year’s resolutions were really that good then they probably would have had some better defenses when those armies showed up. Not pointing fingers, just throwing out a theory.
As a general rule I’m mildly suspicious of things people do without knowing why they are doing them, and New Year’s resolutions fit squarely into that category. I think that making traditional New Year’s resolutions leaves one poised for failure. Worst of all it is an unnecessary failure. Why start the year feeling like a loser simply because you are yourself and not the idealized version of you? You don’t have to be a genius to deduce that if you aim low you succeed more and who doesn’t want to begin any new year feeling like a winner already? No one.
The way to beat the system is to make simple and accomplishable resolutions that will boost your confidence by providing you with periodic triumphs. Thus, I shall unveil some resolutions that I believe to be good because they are easily achievable by most anyone and are also benign.
Firstly, I resolve to find things that I enjoy and do them as often as I can while simultaneously avoiding things I dislike whenever it is possible/legal/moral. Most people do that anyway and this way it sounds like you are really striving to find happiness instead of just slacking off.
Secondly, I resolve to laugh really hard at something that isn’t hurtful to anyone at least once a day. I included this one because I’m forever hearing of the mystical powers of laughter and I want to get me some of that. I included the stipulation about not laughing at anything hurtful because I figure that’s just bad karma and I don’t want that to screw up my chances at getting the mystical powers.
Finally, I will conclude my tutorial on reasonable resolution making with one that is actually mildly serious. Taking a leaf from the Boy Scout handbook I resolve to do at least one good deed every day. This resolution is a sweet deal for several reasons. Firstly, complimenting people who seem down and holding doors and such will earn you a reputation as a nice person, which can never hurt. Also, whenever you feel like you’ve been working on something all day and that you haven’t gotten anything done you can remind yourself that by one small random act of kindness you have done something truly worthwhile with your time.
This is only one example of the more reasonable brand of resolutions which I champion both as a morale booster and as another way to stick it to the mysterious man who makes people feel that they need to make drastic changes simply because it’s a new year. I encourage anyone who hasn’t made any resolutions or who, like me, has already discarded their resolutions as impossible, to make little resolutions that will improve their lives without the risk of failure.
