All this sex talk in the paper last week is getting me excited. Last Monday’s article “Sexually Offended” made me realize a few things — 1. Apparently I have committed multiple felonies, 2. It is legal for me to hook up with my cousin, but unfortunately I don’t have any hot cousins and 3. How our sexual culture may be holding us back.
Can you visualize what life was like in a culture that didn’t glorify sex? This is a culture whose government felt the need to make oral and anal sex, mutual masturbation and the doggy style felony crimes. It seems a little harsh for some bedroom antics. It seems almost unnatural.
What did guys think about all day if they weren’t obsessed with sex? What did we try to do on the weekends? People must have been a lot more productive. This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George gives up having sex and becomes a genius.
According to Jerry Seinfeld’s explanation in the episode, men are obsessed with sex and it occupies the majority of our brain power. But if we can somehow give up sex, our minds will be free to explore more intellectually stimulating subjects. Once George gave up having sex, he began to read science journals (Of course! Absolute zero!) and learn Portuguese, which eventually led to his having sex again, putting him right back where he started.
Though Seinfeld is a fictional TV show, I believe there is some legitimacy to Jerry’s theory. Imagine being able to pay attention in class without being distracted by that attractive girl who sits in front of you. On weekends, instead of getting hammered and hitting on girls, you could sit down with someone and actually have an intelligent conversation. Maybe our country would be better off if we all gave up casual sex.
You may think this notion sounds ridiculous, but there is proof in our history that substantiates this theory. Around 250 years ago, a culture where sex was taboo spawned some of the greatest thinkers ever — Ben Franklin, Adam Smith, Thomas Jefferson, etc. With their minds free from thinking about sex, they were free to explore their intellectual sides. This period of prohibited sex also goes by another name — the Enlightenment.
It’s ironic that the great minds of the Enlightenment, brilliant because they were not obsessed with sex, went on to lead a revolution and create a new country based on logic and reason, only to have that country eventually become obsessed with sex and trample the ideals that established it in the first place.
So now, we are basically left with a nation of George Costanzas. Just as George couldn’t resist the temptation of the Portuguese waitress, we cannot resist the temptation to make sex the focus of our simple minds.
Call me crazy, but I don’t think our country today is even capable of another revolution, even if we wanted one. Think about it. We are coming to a crossroads in our history where a revolution may soon be necessary.
Our government operates without any common sense or reason. Our president led us into a foolish war even though half the country opposed it, health care is becoming unaffordable, we are killing the environment and we end up paying close to half of our money in taxes between income tax, sales taxes, excise taxes and the like to fund policies we don’t even support. Despite all our technological advancement, the world constantly seems to be getting worse, not better. Sounds like a revolution is in order.
It’s time for Americans to either stand up and do something about it or accept our fate as a nation of Costanzas. When I look around, it seems like we are heading towards the latter.
Would our forefathers have accepted this? What would Ben Franklin do if he were alive today?
He would probably have his own cable talk show where he spoke out about our incompetent leaders. He would invent time travel by accident. He would cure cancer. He would not be obsessed with sex. Instead, he would be planning a revolution to take back our country.
But what do I know about anything. I’m just a felon.
E-mail Todd at [email protected].
