Alcohol — it’s been on my mind for far too long now. Within the next 48 hours, I finally get to consume America’s favorite drug, and I get to gulp it down legally. Many of you would probably argue that I should have had “the right to alcohol” long before this week.
I agree with you.
Our nation, of course, still allows 18-year-olds the right to give themselves lung cancer, vote for candidates they have never read about and fight in wars that older generations started. So, you can see our priorities are in line with a bad MTV show.
Before this column becomes intellectual, we must pause. There must be a consensus that alcohol has some negative consequences — consequences that must be abhorred.
In the United States alone, more than 15 million citizens suffer from alcoholism. Alcohol is the number-one abused substance by patients seeking treatment according to the American Psychiatric Association. Likewise, it is estimated that one in 750 newborns suffer from Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, leaving children mentally disabled and with physical deformities. Countless marriages end because of alcohol. Child abuse is rampant among alcoholic parents. These consequences are inexcusable and destroy lives.
Yet, you’ve had these conversations before. We all have read the pamphlets about the negative effects of alcohol while we were in middle school. We have all had the family dinner discussion about the rights of an 18-year-old. This is nothing new.
What is new is the idea that alcohol can also be a medicine used to cure the ills of society. In fact, alcohol has played a major role in many wars, hardships and extreme conflicts over the history of the world. Two of America’s greatest heroes, Benjamin Franklin and Homer Simpson, are well-known for their advocacy of alcohol’s magic power.
Franklin once said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” While that may have been in jest, Franklin was among many intellectuals who founded the United States of America in beer taverns along the east coast. Where else should they have deliberated? Sure we are a nation founded on Christian principles, but we have our roots in rebellion and alcohol as well. Think about that the next time you sip on a Samuel Adams. Here’s to the Sons of Liberty!
Similarly, Homer Simpson has made an occasional wise statement about alcohol’s healing effects. Simpson once grunted out, “Beer is the cause and solution to all of life’s problems.” We briefly analyzed how alcohol causes life’s problems paragraphs ago. However, how can alcohol ever be a solution? That seems like a sinful statement.
Let me enlighten you with a few times throughout history where alcohol saved society:
-A Chinese imperial edict around 1116 B.C. stated that the use of alcohol in moderation was thought to be prescribed by heaven. Alcoholic beverages were used in religious acts as a source of inspiration and as an antidote to fatigue.
-During the Black Death that plagued Europe throughout the late Middle Ages, it was believed that alcohol could keep citizens immune from the disease.
-Through the end of the Second World War and the Cold War, the USSR used vodka as a source of income to keep the economy from stagnating. Although trying times were common for Soviets, their spirits were high and they remained warm through harsh winters. Behold the power of vodka!
You see, alcohol can be powerful in good ways. World-changing revolutions have been stirred by alcohol. Friendships have been saved by a drink at the bar. Entire cultures — religious, political and economical — have been created around these beverages.
The United States would be well-served in searching for ways that alcohol can positively affect our own society. We have made alcohol too taboo. By not exposing our young to this magical concoction, we leave them alone driving drunk through hidden woods to sneak a drink. We do not teach our young self-control as they often discover the effects of alcohol independent from wisdom. This is one case (and only one) where I can say that Europe got it right.
As for me, every minute that passes in the next two days is a minute I am closer to legally consuming the world’s greatest power.
E-mail Forrest at [email protected]