My fellow columnist Joy Johnson wrote a very good column recently warning women not to let scars from past relationships scare them single. While I agree with her points, I see an alarming and entirely opposite problem which I think needs equal attention. I would like to warn women (and men) not to be scared to be single. There is a happy medium which is very hard to strike between fearing intimacy and bestowing it on unworthy recipients.

There are certainly a lot of inconsiderate and cheating guys and girls and I make no claims to the contrary, but there are so many people who are faithful and sincere in their desire to meet someone and be happy that I can’t understand how anyone could settle for someone who is unfaithful or uncaring.

We are, all of us, too young to settle.

I know a lot of young couples who are happy, and I think it’s fantastic that they have found love so young, but I see far too many couples who aren’t happy and yet are still hanging on to their partner for dear life as though it’s worse to break up than to be in a bad relationship.

If you aren’t married and don’t have kids then I don’t see any reason to even remotely consider staying in a relationship that isn’t making you happy. Sure, it’s hard to give up a so-called “sure thing” and venture back into the dangers of dating. There is some comfort to be taken in the idea of known evil versus unknown evil, but it’s really so much better risk dating than to settle for less.

For example, I’ve seen girls stay with a guy who admits he cheats because, according to them, at least he’s honest about it and (convinced as they are that all guys cheat) they’d rather be told about it and forgive him than just worry and suspect. It boggles the mind and breaks the heart to hear stories like this but, what can one really do to help?

I, for one, am doing my best to get the word out that there is something and someone better out there. There are people who don’t cheat, who make an effort, who don’t lie and most importantly, who want to find someone with those same attributes.

I am often told I am too harsh with people. I get a lot of complaints from my friends about my lack of compassion for people who have hurt me or those I care about. However, it’s not true, I am actually very forgiving.

I forgive everyone, I just don’t forget. I could forgive someone for hurting me, but I would be unforgivably foolish to allow that person back into my life and give them the power to hurt me again. It’s not heartless, it’s self-preservation and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s no one’s responsibility to fix the bad people in this world and there’s no shame in letting such a person go.

I am by no means anti-relationship, but I do hate to see people who could help themselves out of their situation refuse to do it because of fear. Everyone I talk to about this issue seems to say that they are afraid to be alone. We are much too young to seriously believe that we are out of time and that there is no hope left. One might look at their small acquaintance and think this is the best person I’ve met yet. But the key word there is yet.

If you are considering becoming single and are still suffering under the delusion that you may not ever be able to find someone who will truly make you happy then think about it this way: there are billions of people on this earth and the odds that not one of those people can make you happy are so insignificantly small as to be ridiculous.

This is the time of life to take chances and be brave. We are in the perfect situation to meet new people and figure out what we want in life and in love. It would really be a terrible shame to waste that chance because of fear or because one has begun to believe the excuses and the lies with which we are all familiar.

E-mail Kate at [email protected].