I am not a Christian, but I believe that Christianity is, in its essential principles, a very respectable religion. Jesus was a wise man and a good one, and he provided us with a system of morality that is consistent, reasonable and just.

No, I have no beef with Jesus or his principles. What I do have a beef with is the many (not all, mind you, but many) Christians of today who distort the Bible and the teachings of Jesus, and thus outlaw many actions to which Jesus himself would probably not have objected.

So in this column I’d like to list a few of these “pseudo-sins”– actions which are generally believed to be forbidden by the Bible, but which are in fact as blameless as picking one’s nose.

The first such “pseudo-sin” is the consumption of alcohol. There are a great many Christians who abstain from alcohol altogether. It is generally agreed among such people that alcohol is sinful, and that any Christian who gets drunk on Friday nights is a sinner and a hypocrite.

But I ask, what is so sinful about drinking? Why on earth would God create alcohol, if he didn’t want us to use it? He probably does not approve of our drinking alcohol in excess but in general, if God didn’t want us to get drunk, he wouldn’t have made it possible.

Indeed, Jesus changed water into wine and thereby allowed a great many men to get drunk. So if it is sinful to drink alcohol, then Jesus was a sinner.

The second “pseudo-sin” I’d like to address is marijuana smoking. This one is even more taboo than alcohol, because it is illegal. But laws are arbitrary – they do not come from God – and the truth is that marijuana-smoking harms no one and is no more sinful than pizza-eating.

Indeed, marijuana use is permitted by the Bible, in no less a book than Genesis. Chapter 1, verse 29 reads, in part: “And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed which is upon the face of all the earth.”

God created marijuana, in the same way that he created apples and bananas. Now, why in the world would God have created this plant, the smoking of which yields a pleasant state of intoxication, if he didn’t wish us to smoke it sometimes and enjoy ourselves? Was it an accident? “And on the eighth day God said, ‘Oh, crap, I left pot all over the place!'”

Many Christians object to marijuana-smoking on the grounds that it is illegal. We should “obey the law of the land,” they say, according to the New Testament. Well in that case, Christians should have no problem with gay marriage and abortion, since these too are the law of the land.

Homosexuality is another “pseudo-sin” which many Christians are quick to condemn. Their justification comes entirely from the Old Testament, since Jesus did not speak a single word on homosexuality.

It is true that among the ancient Hebrews homosexuality was punishable by death and was the characteristic sin of Sodom and Gomorrah. However, according to the Old Testament, it was also forbidden to do work on the Sabbath, and that was punishable by death too. So, if Christians wish to condemn homosexuality, they should refrain from doing homework on Sundays.

The fact of the matter is, ladies and gentlemen, that homosexuals are born, not made. Why would anyone choose to be a homosexual, and subject himself to all manner of ridicule and prejudice?

God is responsible for the creation of homosexuality. God has ordained that homosexuals be gay; they harm nobody by their gayness; therefore, I ask you, Christians, whose creed is “Love thy neighbor,” to leave them alone. Let them marry, if they like, and don’t condemn them for a thing which they can no more control than you hardcore Christians can control your straightness.

So what should Christians condemn if they shouldn’t condemn drinking, pot-smoking and homosexuality? The answer is simple. They should condemn cruelty, robbery, lies, hypocrisy and selfishness. They should condemn the drunk drivers, the politicians who send youth off to die in Iraq, the classmate who cheats on a test, the jerk who pokes fun at the less popular or attractive and the fellow Christian who condemns others unjustly.

But Christians should not do too much condemning in any case, they should be too busy loving. “Love thy neighbor as thyself” has always seemed to me the quintessential principle of Jesus; and if his followers wish to emulate him, that is the rule they should most strive to follow.

Condemn Jeff at [email protected]