Soccer is called “the beautiful game” for a number of reasons. First and foremost, most soccer players are very handsome, and it’s lovely to watch their hard, sexy bodies running around the — uhhh — I mean, first and foremost, it is terrific fun to play. But soccer is also beautiful in the sense that it is, in many respects, a metaphor for life.
Indeed, I have learned more from soccer than I have from any other sport. So in this column, I’d like to share a few of the lessons I have learned from “the beautiful game,” in hopes that they will help you to achieve your goals.
The first soccer lesson I would like to expostulate is the idea of a “chance.” In soccer, it is damn hard to score a goal, for the simple reason that there are three or four defenders, and a keeper, whose sole object is to prevent you from doing so. So, soccer teams try to create “chances,” or plays that could conceivably result in a goal (like a shot or a corner kick) in the hope that, if they create enough chances, they will eventually score.
The notion of the “chance” has wide application to other aspects of life. The most obvious example is in the realm of dating and relationships. If Johnny Lameowitz desperately desires a girlfriend (or just sex), Johnny should talk to as many women as possible, and thus create as many chances as he can. If Johnny takes enough chances, he will eventually score.
The chance-principle is also highly relevant to aspiring writers (or artists of any sort). If Jennifer Anybodyowitz sends her novel Romance Among the Squids to just one publisher, it is almost certain that the novel will be rejected. But if Jennifer sends the novel to a hundred publishers, the odds are pretty decent that one of them will like Romance Among the Squids, and agree to publish it. It must be a good novel, mind you, just as a soccer-forward must have some athletic ability if he is ever going to score, but talent is not enough: sometimes what is wanted for success is perseverance.
Another lesson I have learned from soccer is that “goals” are much, much easier to achieve if you work with other people. It is rare that any player scores a goal single-handedly (although it happens occasionally); generally a goal is preceded by several passes, and often it is the pass that makes the goal possible. In the 2006 World Cup, Argentina scored a wonderful goal against Serbia, in which the Argentine side passed the ball 24 times before Esteban Cambiasso finally pounded it into the back of the net.
Similarly, there are feats in this world which can be achieved only through teamwork. We all know that the easiest way to do a group project is to let your group members do it for you.
But good god, people have been preaching “teamwork” at you since you were 5 years old. My main point here is that if you are not willing to work as part of a team, or simply are not a very good team player, you will not see too much playing time in this life.
Yet another lesson to be learned from soccer is that style counts for a lot in this world. The obvious example is David Beckham, who recently signed a $250 million contract to play for the L.A. Galaxy. Beckham is a mediocre defender and not a very good header-of-the-ball, but his spectacular free-kick goals have made him the most famous player in the world.
Now, don’t get me wrong, David Beckham is a fabulous crosser, a superb corner-kick man, and as good a free-kick scorer as currently lives, but he is not the best player in the world, nor anywhere near it. Yet, his free-kick goals have made him the poster-boy of world soccer.
We may infer from Beckham’s story that if you want to be noticed, you should do your work in a conspicuous, and preferably a spectacular, manner. Doing inglorious work, however useful or necessary it may be, will never put you on the map. Look at me: I write a column every week, but I am mostly known for the two or three huge controversies I have generated over the years. If you want to receive credit (or at least recognition) for your work, do it with style. Or at least do it in such a way as to attract attention.
The final and most important lesson I have learned from soccer is this: smoking is really, really bad for you.
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