OUR OPINION: Protecting students from squishy rubber balls, awkward dance moves and “bouncing on their heads” is essential to the safety of Carmichael Gymnasium patrons and the only way to protect students from injury is to strap regulations to these death-defying activities.

Nothing screams danger like a bright rubber ball, sparsely inflated with air – achieving similar softness to that of a pillow – bellowing into your legs or even worse, your buttocks.

Dawn Sanner, the director of facilities and operations for Carmichael, is on a quest to sterilize the gym of anything that could give students as much as a jammed pinky, let alone a hangnail.

Her most recent act of protection was to disallow the club dodgeball team from having events in the gym unless it plays by her rules, that is, the rules of the National Dodgeball Association. She will also require her staff members to supervise games at all times and “playground” dodgeballs are no longer acceptable.

Good thing she outlawed playground dodgeballs. They are viciously painful.

In the past, Sanner and her staff have also imposed regulations on break dancing in the gym. According to her, students must partake in proper training before they can bust a move.

We searched for a break dancing handbook, but came out unsuccessful. There has to be a strict set of rules somewhere.

The Technician would like to submit its assistance in Sanner’s crusade as we have witnessed other dangerous activities taking place in the gym.

Speed-walking without knee and elbow pads is unacceptable. Playing badminton without a full set of football equipment is irresponsible. And swimming without a regulation-size set of water-wings is downright fatal.

Not to mention, the countless students who participate in pickup basketball without adhering to NBA rules or people playing racquetball without a supervisor watching every move — first-aid kit in hand.

Besides, there is no “fun” in “Carmichael,” “sports” or “exercise.” Why not eliminate fun all together?

We can’t think of any better way for Sanner and the Carmichael staff to spend their time. Perhaps, eventually, no students will venture to the gym at all – that way no one will ever suffer from a bruise or the miserable onslaught of athletes’ foot.

It’s a good thing the club dodgeball team has fallen under these justifiable, noble restrictions. Now, if only we can get second-grade teachers to adhere to the same policy.