Here’s a list of five movies that Technician has picked for those who just can’t stand the thought of sappy love songs and watching movies where everyone just lives happily ever after. These films will make you rest assured in your stance against V-day and love.
1. The Break-Up Year: 2006Cast: Vince Vaughn, Jennifer AnnistonRating: PG-13Storyline: Obvious from its title, this couple — Gary (Vaughn) and Brooke (Anniston) — breaks up in the beginning of the movie only to fight over the apartment, living space and everything else it can manage to for the rest of the movie. It’s enough to remind anyone that love isn’t always roses and chocolates.
Gary: “I’m the one who should be sorry, Brooke. I shouldn’t sit here and pick on your art, because you’ve got the ‘nuts’ down, Picasso! All you have to do is cut off your frigging ear.”Brooke: “That’s Van Gogh, you idiot. Your insults are much more effective when they’re accurate.”
2. Love StinksYear: 1999Cast: French Stewart, Brigette WilsonRating: RStoryline: After this couple has a little spat about not getting married, Chelsea (Wilson) goes out and sues her ex-boyfriend Seth (Stewart) for half of his estate. This would make all you men out there think twice about asking a girl to move in with you.
Chelsea: “All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit.”Seth: “If that’s all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?”Chelsea: “I am NOT in denial.”
3. SwingersYear: 1996Cast: Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn, Heather GrahamRating: RStoryline: After Mike Peter’s (Favreau) girl dumps him, his buddies, including Trent (Vaughn), try to cure his post break up blues. If you are trying to get over someone, just take a tip or two from Mikey. He’s money.
Rob: “Those guys are right. You’re money.”Mike: “Then why won’t she call?”Rob: “She won’t call because you left. She’s got her own life to deal with and that’s in New York. She’s a sweet girl and I love her to pieces, but f**k her, man. You got to get on with your life. You’ve got to let go of the past Mikey, and when you do, the future is beautiful.”
4. War of the RosesYear: 1989Cast: Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny DevitoRating: RStoryline: Oliver and Barbara Rose (Douglas and Turner) just can’t stop fighting, and after years of marriage, they have stepped up the pace of their attacks on each other. It’s going to get ugly. If you ever thought marriage was a bad idea, this movie might make you think you are right.
Oliver Rose: “I think you owe me a solid reason. I worked my ass off for you and the kids to have a nice life and you owe me a reason that makes sense. I want to hear it.”Barbara Rose: “Because. When I watch you eat, when I see you asleep, when I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in.”
5. Fatal AttractionYear: 1987Cast: Glenn Close, Michael Douglas, Anne ArcherRating: RStoryline: I think Tom Hanks says it all in Sleepless in Seattle:
Sam Baldwin: “Didn’t you see Fatal Attraction?”Jonah Baldwin: “You wouldn’t let me!”Sam Baldwin: “Well I saw it and it scared the shit out of me. It scared the shit out of every man in America.” (From Sleepless in Seattle)
