Marriage, ah, sigh, happily ever after. Find someone you love and *ding* the solution to life’s big problems. Your husband takes care of the finances, your wife has the children, and together you grow old and fat – clearly defined roles, clearly defined culture. Marriage is happiness, right? Everyone gets married, and society prospers in personal perfection.

Maybe we think this because, in the past, marriage seemed so necessary for success. But that was then, and this is now. Today marriage provides nothing for individuals that they can’t obtain in other, better, ways.

The numbers speak the truth. More than 50 percent of the married people in this country divorce. And the New York Times reports that more than 50 percent of women aren’t married at all. With a 50 percent divorce rate and more than 50 percent of women unmarried, marriage in this country gets more and more marginalized every day. Should we care? What real purpose does marriage serve?

No matter what people say, marriage has never been about love. From the very beginning, marriage was created as a matter of necessity. Today we work together and don’t starve. Tonight we sleep together and don’t freeze. In the past and for the poor, marriage equates to basic survival.

Modern technology replaces the survival aspect of marriage with central heating and grocery stores. Now marriage only seems necessary as a framework for family – a universal two-person, child-raising unit, so to speak. Man touches woman. Woman makes child. Child arrives. One spouse procures resources; the other spouse provides education.

Welcome to the 21st century, my friend. Here we have independently wealthy citizens, adoption, artificial insemination and full-time schools. Women don’t need men to have children, and many unmarried couples do a wonderful job raising them.

Marriage doesn’t equal a happy family. Many abused kids come from two-parent households, and many happily married couples are unable to have children. Marriage may correlate with family, but it certainly isn’t the basis for it.

So now that survival, reproduction and family are out, we get to a new reason for marriage – love.

Love takes many different forms and means many different things to people. One function of marriage is to declare a specific type of love to the world. Yet, why should a legally binding agreement be the ultimate declaration of love?

Quakers refuse to swear on the Bible, claiming their words are just as true before government interference. Couples, too, should hold their love to a higher standard – not to gain access to legal rewards.

But legal rewards are a serious motivation for marriage. Immediately upon signing the documents, a myriad of special rights are granted to newlyweds – joint taxes, hospital access, family housing. The list goes on and on. The government raises spouses up above the rest of the population. In this way, married couples make up a separate class of people with rights much better than the rest of the population.

And herein lies the greatest problem with marriage. By granting legal rewards to couples, the government removes all the religious and emotional aspects of marriage and makes it a purely legal act. Can we afford not to get married? Should we stay separate so our son can file that way for college grants? People must answer these questions to navigate tax laws effectively. The marriage program offers special benefits to those who take advantage of it.

While opening doors for some, the government shuts them for others. Since its legal inception, marriage has created a distinctive class system within America. At first, because of sexism, then racism and now homophobia, the institution of marriage denies certain groups the access to rights and benefits enjoyed by many simply on the basis of their skin or orientation. Marriage in this country isn’t about love, and it never has been. It’s about money. It’s about kids. It’s about sex, religion, politics and power.

No wonder marriage is going by the wayside. The only real reason behind getting married is for the legal benefits. Should marriage really serve only to reinforce bigotry instead of love? Should the government be involved in marriage at all?

The answer to both the questions is no. Marriage should only involve the church, and each religion should be able to create its own rules and rituals for marriage. The legal benefits, on the other hand, should only be granted by the government. These need to be accessible equally to all people, regardless of skin, sex, religion or age. By mixing religion and laws, we pervert them both.

At least we still have the right to love whomever we want. Regardless of the ceremony, when we truly love someone, we show it – because it’s true that laws will lapse, and marriage is meaningless. In the end, it’s only that love that lasts.

E-mail Katie your thoughts on marriage at [email protected].