© 2010 NCSU Student Media
Last Wednesday, the Student Senate passed a bill stating its opposition to the UNC Board of Governors’ proposal to mandate health insurance via hard waiver.
Now some would describe me as one of those leftist, pinko-Commie socialists who want to allow gay people to marry their dogs while teaching children that humans evolved from apes and destroyed the Bible by the redistribution of wealth and declaration of class warfare.
So while I do support some form of universal health coverage, this ain’t it. But unlike people screaming that this hard waiver health insurance is “socialist,” I don’t like it because it’s small potatoes in the grand scheme of things.
After all, America is the last remaining industrialized nation without some form of guaranteed coverage for all citizens, spends 15 percent of its gross domestic product on medical services and still lags behind other nations in general quality of health.
Trying to put on a heroic cape and “saving the day” with this hard waiver insurance is like trying to bail out the Titanic with a bucket full of holes.
I mean seriously: what leftist, pinko-Commie socialist would ever invent a plan to only dominate a small portion of the world’s most detested superpower via universal health care?
I’d rather be seen as a James Bond villain, sitting in a chair whilst petting a cat and uttering “No Mr. Bond…I expect you to die” while unveiling my secret plan to poison the food supply with secularism and the water supply with homosexuality.
And instead of installing my superlaser on the Death Star moon, I’d devise some fiendishly ingenious tax to levy on every person in America, using it to pay for basic care and screening for every person, while allowing the unsuspecting citizens to pay for any elective procedures they want.
And like any true archvillain, I’d never bother with prototypes. Why waste money, effort and precious minutes of my blockbuster film on a test run, using groups of 33,000 students and the estimated 2,200 without health insurance to determine if my diabolical plan had any flaws?
It’s bad business — much better to test my sinister plan on the 40 million Americans without health insurance and calling the president with my demands for one trillion dollars. And if he refused to pay, I’d unleash my Byzantine plot to crush democracy in America with guaranteed health coverage for every citizen.
Which do I prefer, one trillion dollars or $19,800,000 (what I would get by charging every single student at N.C. State $600 for their hard waiver health insurance)?
(Hint: I’ll take the larger amount of money.)
If I really was a minor Bond villain, then hard waiver insurance would be part of my quasi-evil plan — overload the University with more paperwork, get students annoyed and take advantage of this atmosphere to lead a revolt and seize control.
But I’m not that sort of villain, and I don’t want the Board of Governor’s to try interfering with my master plan as outlined above, in true Bond villain fashion.
E-mail your thoughts on hard waiver insurance to [email protected].