In an unprecedented move, the Chapel Hill city council passed an exception to the ordinance restricting the construction of drive-thrus within the city limits. The beneficiary of this exception — none other than Vineyard Vines, the world’s bestest clothing line. City Council member Mitchell Tavernay said the local government really did not have an option.
“Here in Chapel Thrill, there is an almost insatiable appetite for Vineyard Vines clothing,” Tavernay said. “Around these parts, clothing brands that charge hundreds of dollars for cotton shirts like Vineyard Vine’s are king. There would have been riots had we refused.”
The ordinance against drive-thru’s was instituted in 1969 as a way to maintain the nostalgic small-town feel of Chapel HIll. Former mayor Eugene V. Debs, who was among those supporting the regulation, said the ban was to ensure Chapel Hill would be nothing if not upper crust.
“Drive-thrus are for the lower class — the kind of people who shop in strip malls and buy used cars,” Debs said. “In Chapel Hill, we are better than that. Carolina students wouldn’t get caught dead wearing something without that little pink whale, or even a Polo or Lacoste shirt. It’s because they are better than you. They are clearly smarter, because their school is ranked higher. And they all have incredibly marketable majors like American studies and Slavic languages”
Vineyard Vines is expected to begin construction in early 2010 and to be complete by Christmas of that year. One of the new outlet’s major attractions is the planned “aroma-dousers” which will deliver a steady mist of expensive-smelling cologne to cars in the drive-thru line.
Katrina Kenan, a junior triple majoring in Renaissance art theory, literature and pronunciation of dead languages and existentialist tendencies of neo-modern transcendentalists, said the student body is excited about the proposed Vineyard Vines drive-thru.
*This story is not real and the identities in this story are made up, as they are all part of the 2009 Daily Tarhell spoof edition.*
