I’ve been one of those girls who goes to parties that bump aggressive, derogatory music and I sing along. I’ve laughed at sexist comments or stayed quiet on the rare occasion when people bring up sexual assault. I know I am not alone, and I think it’s time we stopped.
It thrives in the environment we’ve created, where it slinks around corners at parties and hides in the shadows in parking lots. As children, women are taught to be scared, but you never know exactly what it is you’re running from.
Pay attention to your surroundings. Watch your drink. Never walk alone. Carry pepper spray. Be polite to the guy that calls you a b—- because you didn’t say “thank you” following his cat call. Walk to your car with your keys between your knuckles. Make sure no one follows you home. None of these things prevent sexual assault, but rather than our culture fixing the issue, girls are taught that they have the ability to prevent it from happening.
The silence that surrounds sexual assault enables it to continue. It is estimated that one in three women are survivors of sexual violence and one in six males. On campus, you walk right by these people completely oblivious.
As students, we need to take responsibility for our silence. No one is talking about it, and I think it’s time we did.
The neutrality associated with America’s dominant male culture fuels sexism with the common belief that “boys will be boys.” This attempt to rationalize brutish acts is a symptom of a much larger problem: the abhorrent minimization and normalization of rape in our society.
When I was drugged my freshman year of college, I was blindsided. I had done everything right, and, yet, it still happened to me. My fake sense of control and safety was ripped out from under me, and I was forced to understand that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. I was the one who said this happens to other people but never me. Don’t be that person. This affects everyone.
Pay attention to your body. Know that it isn’t normal after your first or second drink to go from being completely sober to out of control in what seems like five minutes. Don’t stay quiet. Find your friends. Don’t be ashamed to call 9-1-1. These are things I wish I had known, things I wish someone would have told me.
As a woman, you are taught from a young age that it’s on you. Only you can prevent this from happening to you, and if you don’t, then you did something wrong.
What were you wearing? How much did you have to drink and what kind? Did you make them? Do you think it was possible for a split second that you looked away from your drink? Were you flirting with anyone? Do you usually go out and party all the time? Are you sure you didn’t willingly take any drugs?
It’s been said that the experience of reporting a sexual assault can be just as, if not more traumatizing than what the person just went through. In some regard, this rings true and there is a reason that many go unreported. The amount of slut shaming and humiliation to follow is enough to shatter the remaining self-dignity of any survivor.
The decision to have a rape kit completed is invasive and debilitating. The police take the clothes off your back and don’t give them back. The process then takes four to six hours, and at the end the police cannot even guarantee that it will be tested. This occurs when detectives do not request a DNA analysis for various reasons, resulting in the rape kit being stored in an evidence facility indefinitely. The ones that are submitted to crime labs are typically not tested for roughly a year on average.
In other words, the person that committed this unthinkable act is still out there free to harm whomever they please.
It is estimated that there are tens of thousands of untested kits in police and crime lab storage facilities throughout the country. This shows just how little regard we as a society have for survivors of sexual violence. Our justice system doesn’t always take these cases seriously. Police seem uninterested in solving these crimes, leaving many questions unanswered and survivors without peace of mind.
I recently read an article discussing Joe Biden’s sexual assault awareness and prevention organization It’s On Us, which he started in 2014 with former President Barack Obama. During a call with hundreds of students last Wednesday afternoon, Biden defined what “victory” means to him when it comes to solving issues involving sexual violence and assault: “Victory will be achieved when not a single solitary woman who is abused, violated, physically or mentally, asks herself ‘What did I do?’’
