Have you ever had a friend that pointed out everything wrong with you and never anything that was right? I’m guessing none of us want to stay friends with that sort of person for long, but what if that person is yourself? 

For years I have allowed my eating disorder to abuse me to the point of self destruction. I’ve put my body through the hell of deprivation instead of giving it what it needs. Why? I’m not really sure. I do not know why the amount of calories has always mattered more than the accomplishments the nourishment of those calories would allow me to reach. I told myself I didn’t deserve my accomplishments if I wasn’t disciplined enough to be skinnier. Even I knew this makes no sense, but that’s the worst about a battle within your own mind.

This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. For me, however, every week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Every Monday and Thursday morning at 8 a.m. I drag myself out of bed to make it to see my nutritionist. Every Wednesday at 1 p.m. I rush from my class that gets out at 12:35 to make it to my therapist. Every Friday at 3 p.m. I start my weekend with a real blowout — I go to Student Health to get my vitals checked to make sure my body isn’t giving up on me.

My eating disorder has consumed my life and now I am fighting it but the fight is hard — so let’s talk about it.

I understand that eating disorders affect a small population in the grand scheme of things, but the numbers are growing. Even if you aren’t affected by a full-blown eating disorder, you probably know someone who is and you’ve probably found yourself counting calories or trying fad diets. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, and the lowest amount of funding for research. There are people suffering worse than me; there are people losing their lives while leaving their families to wonder what they could have done. Eating disorders are terrible illnesses that defy all logic and are incredibly difficult to defeat. Yet, we must.

This week more than any, I am choosing confidence over calories. I am seeking the confidence to treasure my intellect more than my weight, and my personality over my jean size. I am fighting, and I hope we can fight together to help others avoid the same struggle. Make a special effort to love people for their mind and not their body — confidence over calories — and then extend that love to yourself while you’re at it.

If you’re interested in learning more about eating disorders, visit www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.

If you’d like to register for the NEDA Walk in support of eating disorder awareness on April 1st in Pullen Park, visit https://nedawalk.org/raleigh2017.