Opinion Graphic
The #metoo campaign was founded over ten years ago by Tarana Burke. Burke started the campaign to help people of color who are survivors of sexual assault, abuse and exploitation. It’s important to know the origin of the campaign — that it was started by a black woman — because too often viral material is attributed to white celebrities.
When Burke was a youth camp director, a young girl came to speak with her privately. On her Just Be website, Burke describes the encounter, “For the next several minutes this child … struggled to tell me about her ‘stepdaddy’ or rather her mother’s boyfriend who was doing all sorts of monstrous things to her developing body.”
Burke redirected the girl to another counselor because of her highly emotional response. “I watched her walk away from me as she tried to recapture her secrets and tuck them back into their hiding place. I watched her put her mask back on and go back into the world like she was all alone and I couldn’t even bring myself to whisper… me too.”
#Metoo recently became a viral hashtag when allegations against Harvey Weinstein were brought to light. Around the same time, two NC State students were assaulted in Gumby’s on Hillsborough Street. A male employee kissed the two students and forced one of their hands onto his groin.
Three young women were also assaulted at a party in Wolf Village that led to the dismissal of two football players and suspension of three others in August. These are not isolated incidents. Facebook has reported that over 45 percent of people in the U.S. have a friend who has posted a message with the words “me too.” One in five women will be assaulted while in college. Sexual assault is an urgent problem. My own experiences are common ones that many women can say they have endured.
The first time I was sexually harassed was in elementary school. In fifth grade, I was sitting on my classroom floor with my legs open in a relaxed position. A boy a few feet away looked down at my crotch, then looked me in my eyes and moved his eyebrows up and down provocatively. Another boy told me on the soccer field that he wanted to take my virginity like it was a compliment.
In the seventh grade, a boy pretended to hump me in class while the teacher was out of the room. He held my hips and thrusted his crotch onto me. I was the only girl in the class and the rest of the boys laughed. The list goes on.
Not very long ago, an extended male family member sent a gif of a man straddling a woman on the ground and punching her in the face, as a response to a playful argument in our group chat.
I’m sure each of these guys consider themselves to be “good guys.” I doubt these events are significant in their memories, but I remember. I remember every single one of their names and faces. Herein lies the problem. Plenty of males have said to me, “it was a joke,” or, “it didn’t mean anything,” but they should have been attuned to how they made me feel.
This is a call to action for all NC State men: be conscious of how your words and actions make women around you feel. When we accept that one’s intentions trump their words and actions, girls are taught to quiet the voice in their head that says something is wrong. No one has the inherent right to touch someone who does not want to be touched or make someone feel unsafe.
Your words, your actions and the ideologies that you perpetuate matter. Your intentions do not. What you consider harmless or insignificant may shape a person’s life in a negative manner. Some of these boys made me believe I did not control what happened to my body because I am a female. To me, that’s the scariest part.
#Metoo is not a fad or fleeting hashtag. The hashtag has connected survivors and empowered women. Burke said to CNN, “On one side, it’s a bold declarative statement that ‘I’m not ashamed’ and ‘I’m not alone.’ On the other side, it’s a statement from survivor to survivor that says ‘I see you, I hear you, I understand you and I’m here for you or I get it.'”
We have a responsibility to do more than share the viral movement on social media. We have the responsibility to fight for gender equality in our daily lives by continuing this discussion and making a conscious effort to think about how we affect other genders.
From covert harassment to sexual assault, I stand with the survivors. May you be healed and comforted by the empathy from people saying #metoo and may there be less and less #metoo’s in the future.
A list of on- and off-campus resources with contact information is provided here https://counseling.dasa.ncsu.edu/services/sexual-assault-interpersonal-violence/ in the event you experience sexual assault or interpersonal violence, such as sexual harassment, relationship violence and stalking.