Most people wait in anticipation for their 21st birthday to arrive, the day where even though you may get arrested for public indecency, it definitely will not be for underage drinking. The only thing I slammed down on my big day in June was a chalky-tasting, vanilla Ensure Enlive, a staple part of my food plan in my recovery from anorexia nervosa.
I have struggled with disordered eating since my junior year of high school. While school, friend drama and social anxieties spiraled unpredictably around me, I could always count on my food rituals to remain constant. By controlling my diet, I could also control my appearance — something that I am ashamed to admit that had I placed so much of my self-worth in. Being known as the “fat triplet” growing up resulted in an intense fear of gaining weight, and a fear that I had to look a certain way in order to be accepted, successful and loved.
The number of individuals diagnosed with eating disorders is rising. Many of those diagnosed are college students due to stress, anxiety and the pressure to fit into new social groups. According to a survey done by the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA), it was found that only 22.4 percent of the schools surveyed offered year-round eating disorder screenings — questionnaires that evaluate the extent to which eating disorder patterns are present.
I personally never knew of any campus screenings at NC State, but I didn’t need a screening to tell me that I had a problem. It scares me to think about how sick I was — I had reached the point where I couldn’t carry my own groceries to my room. I had to wear several layers of clothing because I was so sensitive to the cold, and my hair started falling out. What scares me even more is that there are still days where I miss who I was, and I know that I’ll have to deal with those thoughts for many years to come.
Despite the increase in eating disorders, only 47.9 percent of the schools that responded to NEDA’s survey reported having a nutritionist with a specialization in eating disorders available to students. Fortunately, NC State’s Health Center has fantastic nutritionists, though I was in such a severe state that I entered a partial hospitalization program where I am receiving help with my eating disorder and the associated side effects of osteoporosis and abnormal heart rates. Many people are unable to go to such facilities, however, and if schools are unable to provide individuals with the care that they need, their health will continue to decline.
Public education on eating disorders is critical, but only 17.9 percent of colleges offer ongoing weekly or monthly programs and workshops. Throughout my time at NC State, I’ve known of two educational events, and only because I had specifically asked my nutritionist and counselor if they knew of any. I found the programs to be fun and informative, but since they were not advertised I was sad to see that attendance was low.
I believe educational programs are extremely important because they address many misconceptions about eating disorders. One reason it took me so long to enter treatment was because I thought that I had to be at a certain weight or look a certain way in order to be diagnosed. In the days leading up to my initial appointment with my nutritionist, I exercised vigorously and reduced my food intake even more because I was so afraid that I wasn’t sick enough, skinny enough. I was taught very little about eating disorders and other mental illnesses — the only thing that stuck with me was an association between eating disorders and being extremely thin, which is a misconception that I believe most people have. In reality, most individuals with eating disorders are at an average weight and appear to be completely normal.
Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, which is why it makes me angry that such an important issue is not discussed. Public education is critical in order to reduce stigma around mental illnesses — as more people know and care about the subject, funding will increase for research and education. Lack of resources and fear of rejection should not hold you back from getting help. Entering treatment was one of the scariest things that I’ve ever done, but with the support of my incredible friends, family and the brave women that have come to be my recovery family, I am slowly learning to live, not just survive.
If you or anyone you know is currently suffering, I encourage you take the free online evaluation provided on the National Eating Disorder Association’s website, or confide in a counselor or nutritionist.
