The Ivory Belltower is purely satirical. Don’t take it too seriously.
Fill in each blank with a noun. Or don’t.
Monday, Jan. 9, seemed like a normal snow day to Randson Woody, a sophomore studying ______________, until he spotted a(n) ______________ falling out of a(n) ______________ driving down Hillsborough Street.
“It was the strangest thing,” said Woody, who has witnessed many unusual occurrences such as _______________, ________________ and ___________________.
As a prime member of creepypasta and a believer of The Great Pumpkin, Woody feels that he is a credible source for all conspiracy theories at NC State as well as the occurrence on Jan. 9.
For many students, the snow day on the first day of the semester felt too good to be true. Woody wholeheartedly believes that many departments were responsible for class cancellation.
“Several students in ________________ artificially created the snow — because, well, Raleigh doesn’t have inclement weather like that,” Woody said. “Also, restaurants don’t just close, they would lose business and no one would park on the street. Parked _____________, plus the distraction of ______________ prevent individuals from seeing failed _____________ experiments hidden in _____________; thus, the snow was an intentionally crafted distraction.”
This theory would make sense, since people are rather oblivious on ____________. _____________ addiction has been the number one reason why 82 percent of students fail to notice the tradition of _____________ flying into Fountain Dining Hall from the Bell Tower to start the day. But what would the _____________ department at NC State want to hide?
It is no secret that the ______________ department has sent a ____________ to the moon, invented the first _________________ and won a national award for _______________. But this interest in _____________-related activities through clubs is captivating students from other majors.
Suspicious _______________ have been distributed on campus advertising various interest meetings including the _____________ Club, the _____________ Club and the __________________ Club. Do the hippie ____________ in Student Voices for _____________ really think they’re fooling anyone creating home videos of ________________ voiced over by students? Woody points out that they’re probably behind the ________________ as the last person he heard discussing _______________ also listened to ______________, meaning that he most likely had a ________________, indicating a 28 percent chance that he was a hippie _________________.
Taking preventative measures against the relentless uncertainties the _______________ could possess, Woody is establishing the Wavering Task Force (WTF) to investigate various conspiracies on NC State campus.
“This ________________ can serve as a warning for what future lies may be uncovered during snow days,” Woody said. “We do not know where the _______________ came from, or why NC State denies having any knowledge about misplaced _______________. I hope this teaches students the valuable lessons to drive out in the snow.”
To kickstart the WTF, Woody is holding an interest meeting next Tuesday at the new ________________ restaurant that has just opened on Hillsborough Street.
