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What do you think most people think of when they imagine a black woman? I was under the impression they might think of words such as “creative” and “strong.” They may reflect on historically influential black women such as Angela Davis or Shirley Chisholm. I was surprised when I found out that it was none of these things; instead, black women are considered “masculine.” Gender roles play a huge part in how our society functions, and where women are celebrated for their femininity — apparently, black women do not fit the mold.
Typically, prominent feminine characteristics include delicateness, chastity, selflessness and — in today’s society — sex appeal. In other words, a woman is only desirable if she fits the traditional European view of femininity. In earlier years, women of European backgrounds had the luxury of relying on a man for economic prosperity. The hardest obstacle they encountered was finding a suitable man with a suitable income.
Black women have never had this luxury. Because black men have been disadvantaged from the beginning of time, it was up to the women to pick up the pieces. Throughout history, black women have had to bear the hard burdens of keeping the family together, being sole bread winners, staying active in church and trying to pave the way for those after them. Naturally, because of these harsh circumstances, black women do not fit the traditional European view of femininity.
A current taboo that is creating some turbulence is the idea of black men not wanting to date black women. It is not uncommon to see black men dating someone of European descent or other woman who are not of an African ancestry. I have no issues with interracial dating. If anything, we need more of it. The thing that bothers me is the negative stereotypes that are placed upon black women, some of which are held by black males.
One prevalent stereotype is that black women are too aggressive which in turn makes them more masculine. Aggressive sounds like a negative word, but to be black and a woman in America is just plain hard. We don’t have time to be a damsel in distress just to please men and make them feel accomplished. We have to grow a backbone to combat the discrimination we are going to face. We expect the same thing out of the men in our lives. Obviously, that is too much to ask.
Another misunderstood idea is that black women want too much and are controlling. Is it wrong to want the best? They are confusing “too much” with being treated with respect and having a partner who is driven as well as loving. No one wants a momma’s boy with no job and who blames the “white man” for all his misfortunes. Yes, discrimination is very real, but it takes strength to overcome that. Your struggle can end up being your blessing. I’m not saying it’s easy for black men, but I am saying that intellect and hard work are something that should not be passed off as “white people stuff.”
It is also said that black women are less sexually open and do not cater to their men. How open you are to different kinds of sexual practices is individually based and comes gradually as you develop trust with your partner. Maybe these black women do not trust their partners. It’s not 1950 anymore, and catering to a man is no longer a requirement. All I can say is that some kind words go a long way. The nicer and more appreciative you are to someone, the more they will want to do for you. Black women have a rough exterior, but it feels good to know that your partner loves you for you.
Black women have added beauty to this world in more ways than one. We have had to band together to fight the ongoing fight of finding our place in this world. Standing up for yourself should not be considered a masculine trait, but a human trait. A common saying is “black women always go to bed angry.” With more understanding of these stereotypes and wrong accusations, we can curb this phenomenon.
Send Marlena your thoughts on female masculinity and the challenges black women face to [email protected].