“Clash of the Titans”

3 out of 5 stars

Do you like hunky, dreadlocked actors battling computer-generated giant scorpions, giant sea monsters with beady eyes, and a snake-haired woman whose gaze can turn men to stone (no, it’s not Lady Gaga’s new look)? Do you enjoy unnecessary remakes of B-movies from the 1980s? Would you like to see Sam Worthington act with his legs this time? Are you able to turn your brain off for two hours? If you answered yes to the above questions, you may find enjoyment in the mindless fun of director Louis Leterrier’s “Clash of the Titans” starring Sam “Avatar” Worthington.

“Clash of the Titans” is a retelling of the classic Greek myth of the half-man, half-god Perseus. The film tells of man’s rebellion against the gods of Olympus and their attempts to punish man for his insolence and unbelief. Perseus, son of a human woman and Zeus (Liam “Taken” Neeson), seeks revenge against the god Hades (Ralph “Voldemort” Fiennes) for killing his adopted family.

Perseus is eventually tasked with saving the city of Argos from the wrath of Hades and his son, the sea-monster Kraken. Lost yet? Do not be afraid, there is plenty of exposition to help you make sense of the plot which boils down to: man’s family dies, man goes on quest for X to defeat Y, man romances hot old lady. Oh, did I mention battles with monsters?

“Clash of the Titans” is an utterly average but fun thrill ride that will probably only be worth seeing on the big screen. Most of the fun comes from the sound design, like the sound of Medusa’s tail rattling slightly in the back of the theatre or the boom of the Kraken’s roar.

These touches are only effective in a surround-sound theater. So if you are remotely interested in seeing this film, see it in theaters and in 2D – the movie was made as 2D movie but was later transferred into 3D, which is never a good sign. A movie like this lives or dies by three things: the monsters, the actors and the battles of the two. By those criteria, “Clash of the Titans” mildly succeeds, mainly as a spectacle.

As you may know, this “Clash” is a remake of a 1981 film starring Harry Hamlin and a Laurence “Paycheck” Olivier. Olivier, probably one of the greatest actors of all time, was clearly just collecting a paycheck for his role as Zeus, but part of the fun of the original comes from seeing him in a B-movie.

His heirs in this film, Liam Neeson (Zeus) and Ralph Fiennes (Hades), are one of the weakest parts of the film. Their beards are clearly fake, and the effects associated with Hades are laughable.

Luckily, the rest of the effects are reasonably good and remind me of the 1999 remake of “The Mummy.” The original “Clash” effects were by stop-motion master Ray Harryhausen and were very memorable for their original style and campy look.

The monsters in the new film look good and move smoothly but are quite generic. Only the Kraken really inspires any sort of fear, mainly due to its sheer size. The Medusa in the original film is quite scary and the new one doesn’t even compare, although the battle with her is well staged.

The acting in this film is quite average as well. Sam Worthington, fresh off of “Avatar,” reads the cheesy lines he is given to the best of his abilities. He swings a magical sword with the best of them, although his strangely modern haircut sticks out like a sore thumb in ancient Greece. Mads Mikkelsen is great fun as the sourpuss soldier Draco who assists Perseus on his quest to kill the Kraken.

The story is pure fantasy and at some points contradicts itself. For example, a prophecy that is foretold by the movie turns out to be false and the movie never explains why. I can’t say more than that and not spoil the ending, which is easy to guess anyway.

Overall, I did enjoy the experience of the film as more of a ride than a good movie. Once you accept the rules of the film—Zeus is real, gravity doesn’t exist, and horses have wings—then you are in for an enjoyable adventure.

If fantasy isn’t your cup of tea, I would recommend skipping this and watching “Hot Tub Time Machine” instead. It’s a hot tub that is a time machine, what’s fantastical about that? If you do venture out to see “Clash,” don’t forget to bring your low expectations.