Is this the real world?

Recently, I watched a “South Park” episode called “You Have Zero Friends.” I’m not typically a huge fan of the show, but that particular episode may have hit the nail on the head with regards to Facebook and other social sites.

Cartman and Kyle were happy Facebook fans; they friended lots of people and tended virtual farms. Stan wanted nothing to do with the site, but he was sucked into becoming a member — somewhat like the thousands of students at N.C. State that are on Facebook and other social network sites.

Chatroulette was also mentioned on that episode. I had no idea what that site was all about and I decided to take a look. I will just say that “South Park” was right about the activity centered on that particular site. After just one quick moment on Chatroulette, I felt as if someone had a remote control rapidly changing between porn channels. Cartman said, “If you want to find some quality friends”… well, you might want to tune in for the rest. I then figured out that others could hear my reactions on Chatroulette, so I ended up creating my own version of ChatTourettes — I will just say it became more interesting, minus the visuals.

What on earth ever happened to e-mail, instant chat or a quick phone call? That has all been “upgraded” to the irksome world of Facebook and cell phone chat. I have had friends say to me that they sent me a Facebook friend request, message, posting or even want me to play those ridiculous games. It is bad enough that we live in a MySpace, Twitter, blogging, Foursquare, Yahoo and AIM world — but all of them at once? No thanks. I don’t think there is enough ADHD medication for me to multitask that well. Some of us procrastinate just fine with a course syllabus, adding social networking just screws up my day.

It’s gotten even more ridiculous, though; the Wolfline even tried to friend me on Facebook. Next it was University Dining — I don’t think they liked my comment about cake. The fact remains that I really do not want to be a fan of virtual worlds. I am a fan of banana pudding, but to have it recognized on Facebook is over the top.

Regardless, Facebook and texting do have similarities. Nobody calls anymore until you don’t reply to the text message or update your Facebook status — then the drama unfolds. It was bad enough when I used to get cell phone calls in the bathroom. Now people are texting or updating their social status while on the toilet — some things should just be left alone.

Why people still have conversations in three letter acronyms is beyond me? I feel like I need a Klingon dictionary just to keep up with the conversation. Most smart phones have an entire keyboard and yet people still send coded messages.

I can remember when people used to talk on the phone with those ridiculous Bluetooth headsets; I could never tell if they were on the phone or talking to me. So I just replied as if they were talking to me only to interrupt their conversation. My scheme may have worked, because I rarely see Bluetooth headsets anymore.

Facebook is much like Guitar Hero; it’s a fraud. Having a gazillion friends and billions of points for playing a fake guitar is not the real thing. If you are in need of more friends there is another site called uSocial where you can purchase friends. Are we so desperate nowadays to have friends?

Facebook is nothing more than a popularity contest, and equal to a social offender registry.

One thing is for sure; our society has just rapidly become nothing more than a live version of Wall-E. FML.