Dating in the age of COVID-19 is like navigating new waters, and lately it feels like we’re all aboard the Titanic. This new, rocky terrain has led to a bombardment of a whole new set of dating obstacles, none of which we could have anticipated. Chances are, if you were in a somewhat happy relationship before COVID-19, you’ve clung onto that relationship for dear life.
If you weren’t, then you’re part of the unattached majority who are experiencing what might just be the longest love drought in Gen Z history. Let’s just say that the moment we woke up at 7 a.m. to stand in line for toilet paper at Target, our love lives went down the drain. So, as we approach COVID-19’s one-year anniversary, let’s take this time to lick our wounds, reflect, strategize and get back out there.
1. The rise of the horny exes
I woke up to my phone buzzing with a forgotten name from my not-so-distant past and a text that said, “Hey :).” Could it be a trap? It had been over three weeks since our breakup. I replied cautiously: “Hi.” Then it hit, a tsunami of cliches: “Listen, I promise I’ve changed…I miss you…” yada, yada, yada.
At first, I was bewildered, but then came the epiphany. Like a horny phoenix rising from the ashes, my ex was crawling back to me, thinking that if the world was indeed ending, he wanted one final farewell. After a little reflection, I replied with a firm, but nonetheless pleasant text, gently making it clear that some bridges were better left burnt.
The reemergence of lost loves is a trending phenomenon. I spoke to one currently lone wolf, who we’ll call Val, with a similar tale.
Val got a text from an ex who she had never really broken up with. You know that saying, “The Irish never say goodbye”? Well, Val and her ex, Matthew, both Irish, had mutually ghosted each other shortly after New Year’s; a painless end to a “meh” relationship. In March, Matthew, desperate, pretended they were still together, providing no explanation for his prolonged absence and texting her: “Hey, do you wanna grab some ice cream later?” Which was met with “Who is this?” Val had deleted his contact during the post-relationship purge. This Irishman was not going to get lucky.
Looking back and accepting that hindsight is actually 2020, it may be best not to recycle old relationships out of desperation. It’s time to strategize and avoid new pitfalls.
2. Beware the screen-teasers
Social media’s increasing role in our love lives, in my opinion, will always fall flat. Who wants the story of how they met their soulmate being “he hit me up on Insta” or a tearful “she swiped right?” However, now that in-person interactions are so limited, it’s easy to succumb to social media’s potential for matchmaking.
At a time when our vulnerability is magnified, beware of the screen-teasers: flirts who, in the beginning, love to slide into your direct messages and comfortably flirt over text, but who have no interest in you in real life. They might be your Zoom University classmate, your random co-worker or even just one among hundreds of Instagram followers. While you can’t help but feel flattered, this peculiar species of pseudo-suitor is tricky. As time passes, their texting begins to wane and their responses become shorter and shorter. Finally, if for no other reason than to justify the time you’ve invested, when you can’t take one more “k,” you mention the possibility of a socially-distant date. If true to form, upon suggesting hanging out face to face, the screen-teaser will disappear in a cloud of smoke, just as quickly as they appeared.
Don’t be a screen-teaser. Only hit someone up if you have a sincere interest in getting to know them, not out of boredom or in an attempt to boost your self-esteem. If you really like someone, don’t get stuck in the texting zone; up the ante. FaceTime is the best way to communicate online in real time, and if you’re having a bad hair day, a phone call is always an option. If they’ve made it clear that they’d like to eventually meet in person and you’re not up for it, be honest and don’t string them along. Finally, don’t ghost them, and remember the golden rule: Text onto others as you’d have them text to you.
3. Avoid the urge to settle
As we find ourselves sitting home on yet another Saturday night, a sudden desire can emerge — the urge to settle and call one of those screen-teasers or an ex and give it another go. The impulse to take a second look at whoever’s on your little deserted island. Suddenly, the one you would have never considered before feels like your only option.
Don’t give in. A wise woman once told me that the moment you settle for Mr. Okay-For-Now, Mr. Right will walk by. If you do happen to bump into the right person now, by all means, go for it. But don’t justify potential partners to yourself out of desperation. There’s a lot of things we’ve had to compromise on since the never-ending ides of March. Your love life shouldn’t be one of them.
Editor’s Note: Updated column with writer’s new headshot.
