Every two years, I have the supreme pleasure of being able to tell my favorite joke without people noticing the inappropriateness of an Olympics-themed joke. I print it here with the full knowledge that no one will think it’s funny. Luckily, laughter is not my goal. Besides, normally when I tell it and no one laughs I make up for it with raucous, uncontrollable laughter that shocks passersby. This way whomever I tell it to appears to be laughing at it anyway, when they are actually laughing at me. Anyhow, I believe my joke serves as an important example of the sorry state of attention the Olympics are paid by average college students.

Here it goes.

Did you hear about the stupid Olympian? He was so proud of his gold medal he had it bronzed!

I know. I’m not funny. Whatever. Unfortunately, and here I reach my point, I am often disappointed by the number of people who don’t laugh simply because they don’t understand the Olympics enough to get my joke. Some critics, and most of my friends, claim my joke doesn’t get laughs because it’s stupid. However, I am alarmed by the number of people who don’t get my joke until I explain first place gets a gold medal and third place gets bronze. It’s shocking to think so many people are so completely separated from the Olympics they don’t even know the medal order. For the good of all, this must change.

I love the Olympics. I love everything about them. I love the unnecessary spectacle, the hardships, the heartwarming stories, the swelling of national pride and the romanticism of all the nations competing in a friendly, sportsmanlike manner. The winter Olympics is my favorite. The skiers and snowboarders do their crazy flips, the skating is lovely to watch, the curling is suspiciously hard to turn off, the hockey is always exciting and the Canadian men’s speed skaters wear extremely amusing red/hot pink and silver stretchy suits.

With all of that fun to be had, I am extremely surprised and disappointed more people around campus aren’t getting into the Olympics. They are on almost all day long and there is definitely something for everyone to enjoy. Plus the fact, unlike all other sports, we are not all rooting against each other, except for the few foreigners among us (sorry guys, this next bit won’t apply to you).

Most of us get sick of the Duke fans and the Carolina fans who somehow deign to attend N.C. State, and then cheer far too loudly for the bad guys at our games. But when it comes to the Olympics, there is none of that awkwardness between roommates, friends and coworkers. There is a wonderful sense of camaraderie which only comes from cheering on the same team, one which I think would be nothing but beneficial for us to have.

There isn’t a lot of pride in Americans today. There are a ton of raging liberals who hate Bush and a ton of raging conservatives who hate the liberals. Most of us are left hanging precariously in between. It’s sad, because hating each other won’t help anything and it will definitely exacerbate all the problems we are already having. We could use a little more national pride nowadays and I think the Olympics are a great way to foster that pride.

Besides, the Olympics are uplifting because most the people competing are amateurs and it’s great to watch them have the time of their lives. They aren’t spoiled like many of the athletes we normally watch. They don’t have strikes or complain about salary caps, they are competing for honor and for country and that’s something that just warms my heart in a way that the money grubbing professional athletes of America just can’t.

For instance, Joey Cheek, a North Carolinian, has won two medals so far in speed skating and he gave both the monetary bonuses he got with his medals to a charity that brings sports to children in war-torn countries. You don’t see any NBA players donating all of their ridiculously inflated salaries to poor children. This is just one of the great things you’re missing if you haven’t been paying attention to the Olympics this year, but lucky for you there is time to correct your mistake. So while you still have the chance, enjoy a little pick-me-up after a rough day by watching a few competitions. You’ll be glad you did.

E-mail Kate at [email protected]