In this special Valentine’s Day column, I’d like to share the benefit of my years of experience and give you some helpful advice on how, and how NOT, to win the man or woman of your dreams.
If you want to land a good catch, you must make yourself as attractive as possible. Now, you might say, “Well, I’m ugly as a walrus, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.” But even if you are ugly as a walrus, there are steps you can take to minimize your ugliness.
You should dress well, first of all. When I was in England a couple summers ago, I noticed that English girls were far more beautiful than the American babes I was accustomed to seeing. But after awhile I realized that English ladies weren’t more beautiful in themselves; they just made the most of their beauty.
Dress well. Wear clothes that are neat and not terribly old; coordinate colors and wear colors that are flattering to you; save your tennis shoes for athletic activities and invest in a pair of nice loafers (or the feminine equivalent, if you are a girl.)
If you dress well on a regular basis, you will significantly improve your chances of landing a hottie; and you will feel better, too, more attractive and confident.
Secondly, be yourself. I know this is a terribly worn-out cliche, but it’s true. Nothing turns me off, and indeed, nothing turns off intelligent people in general, like phoniness.
Moreover, even if your phoniness succeeds à i.e., even if your love interest buys your fake self and believes it to be an accurate representation of your true personality — sooner or later you will drop your guard, and your love-interest will discover that you are not the man or woman he or she thought you were. Besides, being loved as something you are not defeats the whole purpose of being loved.
Next, I’d like to give two pieces of advice to my fellow males. The first piece of advice is to the cowards. I tell you, cowards, to take risks. If you are attracted to a girl, and she is single, you should ask her out. No ifs, ands or buts on this. The notion of asking a girl out may terrify you, but that fear will fade with time. The more women you ask out, the easier it will become.
You might think, “There is no way in hell I am ever asking a woman out! The very idea horrifies me! That’s something that alpha-males do, and I’m no alpha-male.” But one of the wonderful things about this life is that we can change ourselves; we can create ourselves as the people we would like to be. Just because you are a coward, does not mean you are doomed to be a coward for the remainder of your existence. The choice is yours, really.
My final piece of advice is for the anti-cowards, the guys who are experienced in love, and perhaps already have girlfriends. I must warn you guys (if you have not learned it already) that there are limits to what a woman will forgive. You may think that because a woman is head-over-heels in love with you, she will forgive you if you screw another girl, or break a promise to her, or say “I wish you were dead” in a fit of anger.
There are women who will forgive these things, but they are the weak-willed ones. The strong-willed women, the real catches, will not forgive. Treat your woman’s love like a priceless porcelain cup and do not throw it up in the air, dangle it out the window, or take any other action which could, conceivably, break it.
And ladies, be nice to your man, because we have feelings too, you know.
Ask Jeff to be your Valentine at [email protected] (Campus Forum will be empty tomorrow)
