We’ve all heard the proverb “All’s fair in love and war.” But this proverb, like so many others, is untrue. The use of chemical weapons is considered “unfair” in the modern world, and in ancient times, the use of poisoned arrows was considered “unfair” by all civilized societies. There is, and always has been, a “Code of War,” which only barbarians ventured to violate.
Similarly, there is an unwritten “Code of Love,” a set of rules governing proper, respectable conduct in the realm of love and relationships.
The first article of the Code of Love deals with the dating process. Specifically, it states, “You shall not date people you are not interested in.” Now, this might seem like a pretty obvious rule; but many guys will ask a girl out on a second or third date, and many girls will accept such a request, purely for the ego-boost it gives them.
But such a policy is selfish and cruel. The purpose of dating is to lead to a relationship. To date without the desire for a relationship is to mislead your date and set him or her up for a letdown. Just a couple weeks ago, I asked a girl out on a second date, she told me, “Umm, we could do coffee again, but I’m not looking for anything serious.” I thanked her for her honesty and offer her as an example to all daters.
If you believe that the other party has overestimated your affections, you should tell her so, rather than toy with her, waste her time and wound her heart.
Article Two of the Code of Love deals with the conduct of women. We all know that a woman has the special privilege of crying and becoming emotional and unreasonable, in order to get her way.
However, ladies, you are not allowed to abuse this privilege; it is just too powerful. You have the ability to make a man your slave, and force him to do your bidding, simply by crying and nagging, but it is ignoble to use this power on a daily basis. I say that a woman should be allowed to cry and exercise her Imperius Curse over her man, no more than once a month, in addition to the time when she is on her period. So ladies, you can cry on your period and you can cry once between periods, but more than that – you are cheating.
And may I add, ladies, be careful who you use this power on. Personally, when I realize that a woman is excessively emotional, I cut off all contact with her. I don’t want to be a slave. Some men simply will not stand for constant drama, and good for them, I say.
Article Three of the Code of Love states that if two people are in love, but their ethical principles are irreconcilable, they must compromise. They must each give up something; it is unfair for one party to do all the sacrificing.
For example, a friend of mine who smoked pot on a daily basis, once dated a girl who refused to have sex before marriage. And the girl was forever nagging my friend to stop smoking pot. To which my friend always replied, “Look, if you have sex with me, I’ll quit smoking pot.” The girl would say, “No, no, it’s not the same, that’s a matter of principle!” But it was the same, my friend had the principle that pot-smoking was okay, just as the girl had the principle that sex before marriage was wrong.
Ladies and gents, just because a principle seems silly to you, that does not mean it cannot be incredibly important to your loved one. It is not fair to ask anyone, a loved one least of all, to sacrifice something they care about unless you too are willing to sacrifice something. Live and let live, or be willing to sacrifice. Any other stance is plain selfishness.
The real meaning of the phrase “All’s fair in love and war” (insofar as it pertains to love) is that no person is required to love any other person. You can be head-over-heels in love with a woman, and she, in her turn, can refuse to give you the time of day. It is for this reason that outright atrocities should be forbidden. Like war, love is painful enough when you play it by the rules.
Nag Jeff at [email protected].
