Vampires Suck, brought to you by the writers of Date Movie and Disaster Movie, hit theaters on Wednesday. Expected to be a witty mockery of Twilight and today’s newfound obsession with the undead, the film hugely disappoints.

The plot closely follows the first two movies of the Twilight Saga —too closely to be considered satire, in fact. The story brings in heroine Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) who enters a love triangle with vampire Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter) and werewolf (sort of) Jacob White (Chris Riggi). This movie is just like the character’s names, boring and uninventive.

Going into the movie, we expected the directors to go out on a limb and include other aspects of the vampire phenomenon. But all we got were oneliners referring to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Vampire Diaries. They did manage to throw in plenty of pop culture references, as is usual with Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. In 80 minutes we counted 60 allusions to commercials and pop culture, two of which were the Kardashians and Jersey Shore. The movie probably would have drawn more laughs had Justin Bieber been smacked with a bottle of TrueBlood.

There were a few subtle nuances that might have drawn giggles from moviegoers (all four in the theater). Twilight’s alternative soundtrack was mimicked, including lyrics about being an angsty, lonely teenager.

Jenn Proske, the actress who portrayed Bella/Becca, was an outstanding talent in the movie. She receives the only kudos for the film. From stuttering, lip biting and sporadic twitching, Proske’s impression of Kristen Stewart was spot on. Of course, the fact that she was cast in this movie is bitter-sweet, and we expect to see her in better movies from now on. That’s strike one Jenn!

So let’s talk about the parts that made us laugh—not many. Most of the gags were cheap and over exaggerated. When we weren’t being beat over the head by trivial jokes, we did manage to grin when Edward took Becca for a segway ride in the forest. Also, there’s an amusing scene when Edward prowls over the sleeping Becca—but we won’t spoil anything.

Vampires Suck covered the plot of the first two Twilight movies, which sadly means we can count on a sequel.

Because this movie was so cheap to make (a mere $20 million), Friedberg and Seltzer have found a way to continue making these “parodies,” while staying just a notch above being straight-to-DVD filmmakers.

And while we’re on the subject of numbers, District 9 was produced with a $30 million budget. Compared to Vampires Suck’s $20 million, it’s amazing what a $10 million difference can make. If there’s one thing learned, it’s that Hollywood should stay away from parodies and leave them to real comedic geniuses: Youtubers.

Since Twilight’s release in 2008, there ha ve be e n thousands of parodies and satires posted online, all of which have more potential than Vampires Suck. For instance, Take 180 has a better parody for the infamous “say it out loud” scene in which Edward is revealed to be Santa Clause. Even user Nigahiga has a better script and probably more viewers. Case in point, no budget, bedroom videos are altogether more entertaining than this film was.

Vampires Suck fails to successfully parody Twilight and vampire culture today. The name is misleading, nothing is truly hilarious and despite one good actress, the actual Twilight movies have a lot more to laugh at. Perhaps vampires do suck, but so does this movie.