Editor’s Note: This article discusses alcohol substance-use disorder.
Most people experience stress during the holidays. Maybe family dinner is anxiety-provoking, or perhaps the idea of gift shopping gives you a stress rash. What some may not realize is that being in recovery from alcoholism can intensify that seasonal stress.
Quitting drinking is more than just breaking an unhealthy cycle — it’s redefining yourself to become more authentically you. A person who is becoming sober may find that others struggle to adjust to these changes, especially when reconnecting during the holidays.
Alcohol is woven into holiday traditions around the world. Coquito is a Puerto Rican cocktail made with coconut, cinnamon and rum served during Christmas and New Year’s. On Hogmanay, Scotland’s New Year, the first person to enter a friend’s home after midnight is expected to bring symbolic gifts, including a bottle of whiskey.
Women’s sobriety coach Lindsay Hennekey said excessive drinking during the holidays can become a force of habit.
“There’s this sense of nostalgia and tradition that tells us, ‘It’s a celebration, I have to drink,’” Hennekey said. “We’re creating this new identity that doesn’t drink, and we have to train the people around us to the new version of ourselves.”
Adam Burg, who is recovering from alcoholism, documents his journey on Instagram. He recalled his first holiday season in recovery and his anxiety over visiting a family member’s home after an incident that occurred while he was in active addiction.
“I had quite a bender going into Christmas the year prior, and it was my first time going back to my aunt and uncle’s house,” Burg said. “There were a lot of nerves around that situation.”
Loneliness is something many people struggle with during the holiday season. Alcohol-use disorder distances individuals from those around them, and that distance can seem amplified when someone is newly sober during the holidays.
“Addiction … is really a deeply lonely kind of illness. You often feel like you’re the only person in the world who could be feeling what you’re feeling,” Burg said.
Establishing a support network is key to making the holidays more manageable when in recovery. If you are contacted by someone you lost touch with because of addiction, be open to reconnecting with them. You never know how large of an impact a simple phone call can have.
“We’re always so afraid to make that initial outreach because we’re afraid that the person is maybe going to be mad at us, but they’ll love to hear from you,” Hennekey said.
Christy Sigmon, the outreach and resilience specialist at NC State Prevention Services, said you shouldn’t pressure people into talking about their recovery.
“If somebody is setting a boundary, as individuals in their circle, we honor and respect that,” Sigmon said.
At a gathering, avoid discussing an individual’s sobriety unless they initiate the topic. It could also help to encourage someone to find a recovery community if they haven’t done so already, whether that’s a 12-step program like Alcoholics Anonymous or a collegiate recovery group like the Collegiate Recovery Community.
“It’s especially important this time of year for folks who are in recovery to connect with a community,” Burg said.
Creating a comfortable, inclusive environment during the holiday season doesn’t require much. A host doesn’t have to worry about singling out guests at a get-together if there are plenty of drink options available to begin with.
“It’s a time for people to be more aware of if there are people in their family who are in recovery, to have alcohol-free options and to make them feel included in the celebration,” Burg said.
Families and friends can learn more about how to be supportive by utilizing resources designed to assist those affected by a loved one’s substance-use disorder, such as Al-Anon Family Groups or the Recovery Research Institute’s online guide.
“Educating yourself and getting your own support is really important,” Sigmon said.
Additionally, you can create new holiday traditions with loved ones in recovery that don’t involve drinking alcohol. Maybe you find a fun game to play at parties or an extravagant recipe to make each year.
“Think about ways to create your own pathway that makes you feel like you’re staying true to who you are,” Sigmon said.
At the end of the day, everyone’s needs are different. The best way to show you care about someone’s recovery is to ask what would make them more comfortable at a gathering beforehand.
“People are so afraid to ask how they can be supportive,” Burg said. “Just express that what’s important is that they’re spending time with friends and family, regardless of if they’re going to be drinking or not.”
Hosts don’t have to bend over backwards to accommodate guests in recovery. Simply provide an assortment of beverage options and make camaraderie the focus of the gathering.
Even beyond the holidays, it’s important to remember that those in recovery should not be defined by who they were while actively drinking. Instead, focus on the person they are becoming while recovering — their authentic self being uncovered from the shadow of their substance-use disorder.
