Editor’s note: The following is a work of satire. It should not be taken seriously or applied literally.
As we settle into classes this semester, there’s a good chance that you have at least one professor that expects mandatory attendance. When students do not pay attention in class, the professors bristle. On the surface, this seems understandable. After all, what instructor would not want their class to be paying attention?
Whether we like it or not, doomscrolling and consuming brainrot is an intractable, permanent element of Gen Z relationships. By considering our habit a distraction keeping us from paying attention, professors are being disrespectful to our generation’s dating culture.
Despite being difficult to understand from the perspective of an outsider, condemning this newfangled, prickly culture on the basis of its newness continues in a long and harmful tradition of American elites looking down on the customs of a group they are unfamiliar with.
Historically, we have seen the cycle of a culture that was unknown to these elites, educational or otherwise, being met with a violent backlash. This is especially clear in the realm of art. The powers-that-be will always fear what they cannot or will not understand.
In the ‘50s and ‘60s, blues and rock and roll were introduced to the wider American culture. A somewhat similar process brought about ‘60s and ‘70s counterculture. Punk and Grunge dominated the ‘80s and ‘90s.
We see a straight, continuous line here, from the cultural movements of rock and punk to “67” and AI videos of former and current presidents punching each other in the face.
Each generation has its proverbial artistic crown jewel.
When authority figures try to regulate grunge culture and clothing, we correctly view them as stuffy and out of touch. The same should be true for their regulation of our use of electronic devices in classrooms. They are tools for the expression of our cultural language, how we communicate with each other. It would be criminal to rob us of that.
Some professors may argue against this approach, finding it “disruptive” and “bound to create bad habits later in life.” However, practically the entirety of Gen Z is behaving in this way. There is no way to stop the encroachment of off-topic phone-in-hand activity. Trying to do so would be like trying to slow the takeover of television in the 20th century.
Instead of resisting in vain, professors must learn to stop worrying and love the sight of the entire class finding love on their phones and computers. Even better, why hold class in person at all? Being physically present is nearly a relic. There is very little to lose, and that’s one of the perks of being an engineering school.
So, instead of heeding the calls of professors to stay tuned in and interested in class, proudly flout their rules instead. Doomscroll, swipe on Tinder and watch the world continue to fall apart on a Twitch stream while not knowing what is real and what is generated.
